Analprobia (VHS Beyond)

Okay, I really cannot comprehend the level of

bravery or, if we're being honest, entitlement

that one must possess in order to enter an alien

spacecraft all alone in the middle of the night

in the middle of the desert and then once inside

to start touching shit like bro. For all you

know, touching the wrong thing could cause Earth

to implode or your body to flip inside out. Absolutely

unhinged behavior. And then imagine you're the

alien. Like you park your intergalactic whip

with the custom paint job, step out to explore

these new frontiers only for some primitive being

to walk all up in your shit. Just went in there,

started rubbing her grubby hands all over everything

out here acting like Goldilocks. Shameful. I'm

Brandon O. This is Terrorific and we're chopping

up 2024's VHS Beyond. Welcome back to the place

where it's perpetually spooky season. Although

there are still some remnants of love in the

air, we're a few days removed from Valentine's

Day, which I personally don't believe in. But

if you celebrated it, hope it was good for you.

Hope you clapped some cheeks or got your cheeks

clapped if that's what you're into. And if you're

not, then hope you got some good alone time or

whatever floats your boat. I just find Valentine's

Day to be overly commercialized. Like why do

we have to exchange gifts because we make the

mutual decision to be together? Like don't we

spend enough money on each other the other 364

days of the year? Why do we have to go the extra

mile for this one? I just don't get it. It does

not compute for me. But my wife does like Valentine's

Day, and I know what you're thinking. You're

probably thinking, okay, if she likes it, that

means you're celebrating it. Wrong. Well, half

wrong. Our anniversary is three days prior, so

we reached the agreement that we would just celebrate

them together. But in my mind, I'm not acknowledging

Valentine's Day. I'm just acknowledging our anniversary,

which was nine years, by the way, that we hit.

So, yay. And last year, we established a new

tradition where we would get matching tattoos

every anniversary. So we haven't nailed down

our design for this year yet. But that's coming

soon. I got to fill in this left sleeve at some

point. And I'm getting close. There's just these

awkward gaps here and there, like around my elbow.

And I don't know what to put there. So we'll

see. Anyway, let's get to the reason you're really

here. We've gone through six films in the VHS

franchise so far on our quest to crown the best

segment of them all. And we have now arrived

at the penultimate film and therefore the penultimate

episode of season three. We have chopped up 30

segments. Well, technically 31 if you split No

Wake and Ambrosia. So to recap our current leaderboard

as it stands, our bottom three remain unchanged

as they have been for the past. three four films

however long it's been so tape 56 coming in at

number 28 from vhs with a score of 2 .38 slumber

party alien abduction from vhs2 with a score

of 2 .13 comes in at 29 and at number 30 bringing

up the rear vicious circles from vhs viral with

a score of 2 .0 and the cream of the crop our

top five at number five we have amateur night

from vhs with a score of 4 .13 At number four,

The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She

Was Younger, also from VHS with a score of 4

.25. At number three, we have that double feature

of No Wake in Ambrosia from VHS 85 with a score

of 4 .63. At number two, Safe Haven from VHS

2 with a score of 4 .75. And at number one, Our

Top Dog, The Subject from VHS 94 with a score

of 4 .88. Now, I mentioned at the end of last

episode that after the first viewing, VHS Beyond

was my favorite film in the VHS franchise. And

I was curious to see if it held up, you know,

two years later or a year and a half later. And

I'm here to tell you right now, it certainly

did. So our leaderboard, I think we're going

to see some movement here. But VHS Beyond has

six segments. So kicking us off at number six,

we have the frame narrative. This segment was

written and directed by Jay Cheal, whose other

directorial credits include 2011's Beauty Day

and 2016's How to Build a Time Machine. He also

wrote, directed, and edited both seasons of Shudder's

documentary series, Cursed Films. The story is

framed as a documentary interviewing various

skeptics and debunkers who were trying to determine

the validity of a claim that an anonymous Redditor

has purchased two videocassettes at a flea market

which allegedly depict proof of an alien encounter.

And the documentary's filmmaker, a fictionalized

version of Jay Cheal, has received an email,

also anonymously, containing digitized footage

from those tapes. There's an estate in Toronto

known as the Farrington House, but in real life,

it's known as the Spadina House, and people have

reported experiencing paranormal activity here.

So if you want to dive down that rabbit hole,

go ahead and look that up. But in this segment,

the Farrington House, people have reported seeing

gray figures. In the 1950s, a family immigrated

from Hong Kong to Toronto and they were successful

in some real estate ventures. And so because

of that, they were able to purchase this big

ass house. Now, the parents of the family died

in the 1980s and they left the house to their

eldest son. He put it up for sale in the 90s

and while getting everything prepped, he was

staying in the house and he began to experience

night terrors. He held the belief that the house

was either haunted or was being visited by mysterious

beings, so he decided to film things to prove

his sanity. Using two cameras, one was a POV

cam and the other one was a static cam set up

in his room. And once the house was sold, the

son disappeared shortly thereafter. Now with

this being the frame narrative of VHS Beyond,

its interludes are interspersed with the other

segments of the film and in my opinion the interludes

didn't really add a whole lot to the story they

basically just talk about how typically ufo footage

results in skepticism and they talk a little

bit more in detail about other sightings and

whatnot in past vhs films the frame narrative

i think had moments in those interludes that

either had action or did something to kind of

set up like what was coming there was some kind

of like fear inducing or dread inducing situation

within these interludes. But here, the interludes

felt like an actual documentary, not like a mockumentary

inside of a horror film, which on one hand is

cool. But on the other hand, it's like, well,

I am trying to watch a horror movie here. So

yeah, those interludes, they kind of made me

lose interest a little bit because I was waiting

for something to happen that was more like horror

related. or scarier I guess and it just didn't

happen until the very end which okay I guess

saved the best for last but yeah those lulls

in between kind of dampened the story for me

but as we reach this final interlude they explain

that the documentary team has stitched the footage

together from the two tapes and it shows the

people who are being interviewed for the documentary

their reaction as they are given like a preview

of this footage and the common thread here is

that they all find it to be grotesque so roll

the footage we see old dude asleep in his bed

and there's some mysterious figure that's approaching

he pulls up on him while he's asleep and he has

like gray skin and four eyes and kind of like

two foreheads looks interesting you know and

he starts pulling little balls on a string out

of dude's throat which i guess we can assume

are eggs of some sort so yeah i guess dude's

being used as a human incubator not unlike one

of my favorite segments the sick thing that happened

to emily when she was younger but yeah it doesn't

stop there because then the alien takes the camera

and sticks it down the guy's throat. And so we

get to see his interior passages as the footage

ends. So ratings wise for abduction slash adduction

story, I gave it a two. I respectfully, I thought

it was hella underwhelming and anticlimactic.

I was just waiting for more alien action. Like

the ending scene was eerie or, you know, discomforting

or whatever but it was still relatively short

and it took a long time to get there like we

have to wait literally the entire film before

we finally see this conclusion to the frame narrative

and i just felt like i wanted to see a little

bit more activity the alien we barely got to

see a glimpse of its face you know which it looks

it looked cool the design was great but it was

just so brief special effects i went with the

four like i said the alien design was pretty

cool despite its brevity and then also the view

of the camera traveling down old dude's throat

that looked wild you know reminded me of the

phase one clinical trial segment from vhs2 where

the ghost shoved the cybernetic eye down old

dude's throat i wonder like if these filmmakers

draw influence or pay homage intentionally to

prior segments in the franchise if so that'd

be pretty cool situational fear i went with the

two i mean dude was paranoid or you know he was

thinking that he was being haunted or visited

by aliens at night but he never really got that

confirmation because he was asleep when they

visited and i can't remember if his eyes were

open or not but he didn't seem to be moving so

unless the alien had some kind of paralytic agent

administered which i guess is definitely a possibility

i'm gonna say that he was still asleep so yeah

the fear was just based on paranoia and never

got confirmed from what i could tell but if i'm

wrong let me know and finally for likelihood

of death i also went with the two Even though

the camera was shoved down his throat, there

was a point that it like stopped like a barrier

that it reached. And I'm not like a biology person

or like an anatomy major. So I don't know what

it's called. And I don't feel like looking it

up right now. But if you know, you know, that

barrier between, I guess, at the bottom of the

esophagus before you get to the stomach, whatever

that's called. Yeah, the camera, I don't think

made it past that. And so he might have survived.

He's growing eggs, so they probably want to continue

to use him to grow their eggs, I would imagine.

So yeah, likelihood of death was probably pretty

low, at least for the time being. So that brings

abduction slash adduction to an overall score

of 2 .5. Coming in as the fifth best segment

in VHS Beyond is Stowaway. Stowaway was directed

by Kate Siegel and written by Mike Flanagan.

As an actress, Siegel is a bonafide scream queen,

having appeared in horror films such as 2013's

Oculus, 2016's Hush, and Ouija Origin of Evil,

which came out that same year. I covered Ouija

Origin of Evil in a prior episode in Season 2

titled Anatomy of Isolation, so if you haven't

listened to that, feel free to check it out.

Kate Siegel has also been a mainstay in Netflix's

run of horror TV shows, such as 2018's The Haunting

of Hill House, 2020's The Haunting of Bly Manor,

2021's Midnight Mass, and 2023's The Fall of

the House of Usher. And the director or showrunner

for all of these projects was her husband, Mike

Flanagan. And it was announced earlier this month

that Flanagan would be writing and directing

a remake of 2007's The Mist. And I'm not quite

sure how I feel about this. Well, I lied. I do

know how I feel about this. I hate it. I'm not

a fan of remakes or reboots for the most part,

especially movies that are less than 20 years

old. Like, nah, let it let it live a little bit.

You know what I mean? And also like the ending

to The Mist was so bleak. I think it's reached

a point of like, I don't want to say like top

10 endings, but it's a notable ending that people

think about. And so to remake that, would he

change that ending or would he, you know, keep

that same ending? Either way, it's going to reduce

the impact of the ending originally, in my opinion.

So I. I'm not on board with this, but Mike Flanagan

does make good ass movies, so I'll probably watch

it reluctantly. But Stowaway centers on a woman

named Haley who was shooting a documentary in

the Mojave Desert to prove whether claims of

UFO sightings are true or not. And she's going

around interviewing different people who claim

to have seen like a string of lights in the sky.

And she uses this eyewitness testimony to map

out six different campsites along the path of

the lights. And at one of these campsites one

night she sees six lights in the sky and as she's

watching them one breaks off and like dive bombs

towards the ground and so she decides to hop

in her truck and attempt to follow it. Somehow

she does end up finding this spacecraft and its

surface as she approaches it. appears to be reflective

she's seeing some light in the distance but every

time she waves her hand in front of her camera

the light disappears so she realizes that it's

her camera light that's being reflected back

at her and as she peers more closely at this

spacecraft not only is its surface reflective

but it's also transparent or something because

there appears to be this kind of moving swirling

motion going on as if the ship itself might potentially

be alive but what's most certainly alive is whatever

left the inhuman footprints leading away from

the ship bro fuck that as soon as i saw that

i would turn my ass around and get the fuck out

of town matter of fact i never would have even

followed the ship to begin with yet alone walked

up to it yet alone camp out in the desert for

a week but that is neither here nor there the

point is hayley she's made of sterner stuff because

the ship's door opens and she decides to take

her ass inside bro and once she's inside the

ship does seem alive its walls have kind of a

fleshy feel and look to them there's a lot of

squishing and and squelching and there's also

a dark hole on the wall and hayley yet again

yet again showing off that sterner stuff she's

made of and maybe i should put sterner in air

quotes because she reaches her hand inside some

dark hole on the wall in an alien spacecraft

and she describes it as some sort of like membrane

that's wet bro bro bro we're touching wet membranes

and alien ships right now son like that's really

what we want to do That's really what we want

to do right now. I cannot comprehend this line

of reasoning. But there are also some kind of

strings hanging on the walls. And Haley, because

apparently she is a tactile learner, decides

to pluck these strings on the wall. And when

she does... It makes like a gong like sound.

And she also looks at her finger and that shit

is bleeding because the string is hella sharp.

And as she looks at her finger, some little flaky

kind of flittery things begin to descend from

the ceiling and they head towards Haley. And

she like freaks out, stumbles, drops her camera

and is like, oh shit, no. Thinking that she's

about to be murdered by alien technology. But

instead, it heals her cuts. These are like some

kind of like nanites or nanobots or whatever.

And they heal her cut finger. So she's like,

oh, wow, this is incredible tech. Like we see

the future of the medical industry, bro. Do you?

Do you? You think this tech is going to wind

up in the hands of the human medical industry?

OK, sure. But as she ponders all these applications

for this advanced alien tech that apparently

she thinks she's entitled to have, one of the

aliens returns, or I guess the alien who owns

this ship. And Haley is like, oh, wow, that's

awkward. Don't see me. So she goes and hides

and she's filming things using the infrared light

on her camera. We never really get like a clear

glimpse of the alien. Like it seems like it maybe

had like a lobster kind of claw for a hand. But

eventually it like retreats into a pod seemingly

to rest. And so Haley emerges from her hiding

spot, which apparently if you can see, there's

a hole large enough to fit a camera through.

I'm not really sure how well hidden she was,

but hey, you know. I can't comment on aliens,

alien awareness. But anyway, Haley comes out

of her hiding spot and she starts like speaking

out loud, like narrating shit. Like even though

the alien is in the same ship with her, she's

like, oh shit, the aliens here. Wow. that's crazy

what else is going on in here she continues her

tour her her self tour of the ship and there's

like some little like specimen collection jars

or tanks or whatever and she sees an octopus

in there a spider a lizard and they're all suspended

in some sort of stasis goo and so she hypothesizes

that this goo is to put them in stasis because

the trip back to wherever is going to be a very

long time like earlier in this segment she was

kind of going through like distance and stuff

and so whatever the nearest star fucking proxima

centauri or some shit she said that journey would

take like if you could travel at 99 .9 to the

speed of light That journey from there to Earth

would take like four years or something. But

for people on Earth, it would feel like 200 years

or whatever. And then another one is like, if

you're in the Andromeda system, going from here

to there would take like 26 years, but feel like

4 .5 million years, people on Earth, whatever

it may be. So this stasis goo is apparently built

to withstand this 26 year journey. But it's important

to note that earlier when she was interviewing

like the eyewitnesses, one of them claimed that

his friend saw aliens collecting animals. But

the caveat was he didn't actually see them. He

saw it in one of his vision quests. So she dismissed

him as being a fucking idiot, right? Turns out

bro was right. So shout out to peyote or ayahuasca,

whatever man's was on that night because he nailed

it on the head. And if you're hearing like some

jingling or something in the background, my cats

have entered my office. So that is their collars

as they do whatever they're doing anyway. In

addition to being a tactile learner, apparently

Haley also needs repetition because she yet again

plucks this string despite knowing that it is

ridiculously sharp and that it's going to make

this gong -like sound despite the fact that an

alien is mere feet away from her. I guess she

assumes that it's already in stasis or that it's

pod or whatever. Has super thick noise canceling

walls. Or maybe she's just like. Fuck it. Nothing

bad is going to happen to me. Because I have

every right to be here. In your ship. And you

cannot harm me. Sure whatever. Anyway. As the

nanites come to repair Haley's finger. This time.

It kind of leaves. Like a claw type of deal behind.

And so. She posits that. These nanites are using

the DNA from the collected specimens to initiate

these repairs. And since they don't have Haley's

DNA or maybe not any human DNA period, they can't

rebuild her using that. So that's a little bit

concerning. But after plucking a string, lights

begin pulsating in a fashion that resembles some

sort of countdown. So now Haley finally... The

alarm bells start to ring in her mind and she's

trying to get out of the ship. But lo and behold,

now she can't find the door. So the ship takes

off. It accelerates near light speed and the

G's just like crush Haley's body. And like the

time begins to distort. She kind of like stretches

out and it's pretty cool looking effects. And

the damage. appears to be catastrophic because

the nanites come out immediately and they start

repairing her but she's not looking very hayley

like anymore because they're using this this

other dna and then as the ship kind of sits in

orbit other ships take off from earth as well

and they're all like out there and then they

hit warp speed again and leave the solar system

galaxy whatever further damaging Haley's body

because she's not strapped into anything and

so these nanites come out to repair her some

more and she becomes essentially trapped in this

cycle of being torn apart and rebuilt using animal

DNA and she becomes mutated. She mutates into

something monstrous and the segment ends. so

for its story i guess stole away a rating of

3 .5 it was cool it was original you know had

some unique qualities there but at this point

you know me i like a little bit of action a little

bit of activity so i would have preferred to

see a clearer shot of the alien itself so that

we kind of had a better idea of what exactly

we were working with i like to be afraid when

i watch horror movies so Seeing that alien might

have helped drive up that fear factor a little

bit, which I think would have added a little

bit of quality to the story. There's also a moment

where Haley, when she first sees those six lights

in the sky and she wonders if she captured them

on camera, it's revealed that she's been filming

this documentary by taping over her daughter's

birthday party. And the daughter doesn't play

a role in the story outside of that little quick

moment there. So I wonder if this detail was

added as kind of a way to emphasize that, you

know, here's Haley pursuing something that's,

I guess, her dream or whatever, and showing the

things that she's willing to sacrifice in order

to achieve that or give herself the opportunity

to achieve that. And I wonder if this kind of

maybe mirrors. kate siegel and mike flanagan's

relationship with their own children because

i mean they're both very successful in you know

what they do and with the rapid rate that they

were pumping out shows and whatnot for netflix

sounds like or i would assume that their schedule

was pretty busy so maybe this was like their

way of like acknowledging the fact that they

haven't been home as often as they would like

to themselves For special effects, I went with

the 4. There was a lot of CGI, but it wasn't

like that cheap looking CGI. And there was some

practical effects thrown in there as well, but

I'm giving them some allowances for the fact

that you can't practically go to space. You know

what I mean? So whenever the ship like took off

at light speed or near light speed and Haley's

body was getting stretched out from the temporal

distortion or whatever, I... you can't really

do that practically. So I understand the use

of CGI there and it didn't, it didn't look bad.

So yeah, situational fear. I went with a three

because look, I know we like to joke around that

white people aren't afraid of anything besides

equality, but Haley, Haley really embodied that

joke because bro, like First of all, you're pursuing

a UFO in the desert, okay? You see it, it's landed

on the ground. Not only do you approach it, but

you enter. You enter this spacecraft, bro. Like,

that is absolutely unhinged behavior. So, if

she was afraid, she did a good job of masking

it or her excitement or desire to prove the existence

of aliens the fame or fortune or whatever respect

comes from that all that either outweighed the

fear or she didn't have any fear to begin with

or had very minimal levels of fear so yeah the

fear level here not very high that is until that

countdown started going off and hayley couldn't

find the door to escape and that ship took off

and turned her into some fucking noah's ark mystery

meat type deal you know what i mean like yeah

at that point i'm sure she was probably shitting

her pants but a little bit too late so we'll

take that five level and balance it out with

probably her one from before and get that three

and finally for likelihood of death i went with

a two first and foremost she never should have

entered the ship that was definitely avoidable

so Should give her a one, but I'll cut her some

slack and just say she was so overcome with being

so close to realizing her dream or whatever it

may have been, her ambition to make this documentary

that she couldn't control herself and got onto

the ship. But even then, once she was aboard

and her body started disintegrating and shit.

She's still being repaired over and over and

over and over again. So yeah, likelihood of death

is probably at least 26 years away once she reaches

the destination. So that brings Stalway to an

overall score of 3 .13. Now here's the point

where I humbly request that if you're still here

listening to please rate and subscribe to Terrorific

wherever you're listening, especially if you're

listening on Spotify or Apple. These things help

the show continue to grow, expand our reach.

And yeah, I would be very appreciative if you

could do that for me. Thanks. Next up, our number

four ranked segment in VHS Beyond is Fur Babies.

Fur Babies was written and directed by Christian

Long and Justin Long. Christian also directed

2021's Lady of the Manor, and his brother, Justin,

has reached Scream King status, starring in films

such as 2001's Jeepers Creepers, 2009's Drag

Me to Hell, 2014's Tusk, and 2022's Barbarian,

which I also covered back in a Season 2 episode

titled The Breastfeeding Dungeon. And if you

haven't listened to it yet, I highly recommend

that you do because it's one of my personal favorite

episodes. I feel like it really embodies the

kind of tone that I want to set for terrorific

as far as balancing that humor with providing

legitimate analysis and insight as well. Plus,

I think the breastfeeding dungeon is just a really

dope title. But anyway. The story of Fur Babies

kicks off with a group of people, Stuart, Angela,

Miles, Pat, and Christina, who are watching a

commercial on YouTube for a business named Doggy

Dream House that's run out of the home of a woman

named Becky Baxter. Now, Miles is the ringleader

of this group, and they are an animal rights

activist group. And they've been tracking Becky

online for a few weeks because in the background

of her commercial, they noticed that she has

some taxidermy dogs. And they think that they

have or they think that she has desecrated the

corpses of these animals. And that's wrong. So

they want to go scold her for this. hmm okay

so last segment we saw where a sense of entitlement

took hayley let's see where this sense of self

-righteousness takes this group of people one

of the dudes i think it was pat asked how they're

gonna take this old lady down and everyone's

like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa don't be ageist

bro like these cats are super woke okay And they

hatch a plan for a sting operation. They're going

to have Stuart and Angela go undercover posing

as a couple named Tom and Sarah who want to board

their dog Pickles at Doggy Dream House. And they're

going to capture all this evidence using the

hidden camera that they've stuffed in the kennel.

So once they arrive to the house, they're speaking

with Becky. And in the commercial, when they

first viewed it, there were three stuffed dogs

on the mantle in the background. But now once

they arrive, there are only two. Awkward. And

they comment on the missing dog because there

are like name plaques underneath each one. And

so this one is named Gary. It's like, hey, where's

Gary? But here we go. Another Gary in the VHS

franchise. So I have a feeling things aren't

going to go very well here. Becky says that even

though Gary was a Pomeranian, he had the heart

of a pit bull and he sacrificed himself to save

her from an intruder. And so he is going to be

receiving a special treatment. At this point,

Stuart gets all self -righteous and says it's

barbaric to not bury these dogs after they die.

And that taxidermy is body mutilation. He is

really up on his soapbox here. And Angela slips

and calls him by his real name instead of Tom

while she's trying to get him to be quiet. Becky

notices this slip and they try to cover it up

by saying Stuart is a pet name. And this causes

Becky to launch into a monologue about how pet

names are whack. Pets should have like these

regal names. And if Pickles was her dog, she

would name him something strong like Henry or

Julius. And as she says this, she bends down

to look into the kennel. And she gets this very

ominous look on her face as she stares directly

into the quote unquote hidden camera. Oh, they

are in danger, boy. But as Becky gives them a

tour around the house, they see a dude sitting

very quietly and very still at the kitchen table.

And they're like, well, that's weird. And Becky

says it's her brother Bo, but Pickles starts

snarling as soon as he sees him. And you know

what I say, when it comes to horror movies, always

trust dogs. Anytime a dog starts whining or barking

or acting up or refuses to enter a house or whatever

it may be, a room, you need to get the fuck out

of there expeditiously. But hey, they got to

save the animals. earlier they had asked if Becky

lived alone and she said yes but now she clarifies

saying it feels like she lives alone because

Bo hasn't talked much since the accident bro

what the fuck what are we even doing here bro

but she says they used to get into these crazy

fights and they would just like growl and bark

back and forth at each other okay she's crazy

bet You know how there are those sounds like

those very high pitches that only dogs can hear

and humans can and it like really bothers them

and shit. Well, I guess in this instance, the

warning bells are ringing at some super high

pitch that Stuart and Angela can't hear. Only

Pickles knows what's up and they are not following

Pickles lead. So they continue the tour and Becky

leads them down into the basement because the

basement is where good things tend to happen,

of course. And this is where the dogs are like

kept and trained and fed and all that stuff.

And shit looks like a dungeon with like medical

tools and like equipment and anatomical sketches

laying around. Like, honestly, what the fuck

are they still doing here? Like, just turn the

kennel. One time in a circle around the room,

you'll have all the footage you need. You don't

need to continue walking deeper and deeper into

the situation that clearly looks like you're

about to die from. But hey, what do I know? Becky

then leads them to a section that's closed off

by a plastic tarp. Because, because, hey, I guess

there's some cool surprise back there, you know,

that needs to be covered by a fucking plastic

tarp. And Becky refers to this as the timeout

corner. She says it's where she keeps the naughty

boys and girls to sneak into people's homes and

ask rude questions just like they did. And then

just like he did. And as she says he, she pulls

the tarp back and there's a dude in a cage begging

for help. Yeah. Shit's fucked up. If only there

had been some warning signs. But at this point,

Bo then comes up behind them with like a chloroform

rag and knocks them out and drags Stuart and

Angela off. The footage then cuts from the hidden

camera to Becky's camera at her desk. And we

see that she has caged Stuart and Angela while

also renaming them Cynthia and Marcus. Angela

has had like dog teeth and like a dog's lower

mandibles surgically grafted into her mouth.

And Stuart gets sedated and operated on to have

his hands converted into paws. And then his teeth

installation is up next after that. The footage

then cuts again this time to the front door camera.

becky's house and the rest of the animal rights

folks have pulled up to confront her because

miles called and becky is dodging his calls and

he's like hey two of my people came to your house

and we haven't heard from them so pick up the

phone otherwise we're gonna call the cops and

do whatever uh it turns out that's an empty threat

because once they pull up they're recording everything

and miles is like yeah we were gonna call the

cops but and pat jumps in is like they're corrupt

fascists yeah so like i said uh super woke but

also apparently cool with trespassing property

damage and breaking entering because miles takes

his shoulder and rams the front door down and

he's armed with his trusty baseball bat bro what

are we doing right now you should definitely

be calling the police in this situation but They

are pot committed at this point. And once they're

standing in the living room slash play area,

they hear some screams coming down from below.

And someone's like, oh, shit, is that Angela?

And so they go down to the basement and they

see Angela in her cage and Stuart in, I don't

know, I think he's on the operating table at

that point. But they realize that, yeah, some

shit is definitely awry here. And while they're

confronting Becky and Bo, Bo was like recording

them filming everything. And Becky's like, you

know what? Hey, I got something for that ass.

And she gives this, you know, villainous monologue

as they do about her two attack dogs. And she

six them on this group. And these quote unquote

dogs are people, of course. And they have like

razor sharp claws. They have their teeth and

they just tear everybody to pieces. And one of

the dogs, of course, is our aforementioned Gary.

And he gets a treat for being such a good boy.

And all these dogs or both of these dogs, they

have cameras fitted to their collars. That was

one of the selling points to the doggy dream

house. Mentioned back in the commercial at the

start of the segment. And so we get the camera

view shifting to the collar cam on Gary. He runs

upstairs and is playing in the play area for

a while, having fun. And then we see a porch

pirate approach through the doorbell camera or

the front door camera. And Gary senses him. So

he runs to the doggy door and jumps on this porch

pirate and tears him to pieces as well, pulling

out his intestines and shit and just going to

absolute town in broad daylight. So, yeah, I

don't know who lives in this neighborhood or

whatever, but apparently it's a porch pirate

hotspot. So I guess people aren't typically around.

So pretty awkward. And this segment ends as Gary

plays with his new chew toy. For its story, I

gave Fur Babies a rating of a 4. It was very

engaging. I was into it. I had to dock it though

because of the Justin Long connection. It was

very similar to Tusk. Essentially, Tusk for dogs.

You could have called this Snout and it would

have made sense. You know, the whole concept

of humans showing up to a place and being turned

into animals through surgical means and being

retrained to the point that they believe that

they actually are that animal or behave like

that animal. Yeah, very, very similar stories.

But still, it was interesting. It was engaging

and it was well acted. So Becky, she had vibes

of like Kathy Bates character from Misery. um

and so yeah i was i was rocking with that and

i also think there was some commentary here on

like performative liberalism like just because

you're woke doesn't mean you're a good person

i mean miles broke into someone's home and the

first question he asked i think it was something

like did i look cool or did you get it on camera

something like that like he he's concerned with

looking badass not the fact that he's At that

point, he didn't even think about, you know,

his missing friends. You know what I mean? Like,

he's still a self -centered person, even if he

tries to make it seem like he's looking out for

the everyman or animals or whomever it may be.

And the dark side of wokeness is self -righteousness.

And self -righteousness, foundationally, is rooted

in ego. And it was that ego that prevented the

friends from calling the cops and having them

take care of this. People who are armed with

something more than a baseball bat and a video

camera. To assume that all the police officers

are fascists is crazy, but also if we're being

real. This group of people, I think, would have

the least amount to fear from a police interaction

if anything were to kind of have some friction

there. They are all white people. Let's just

say what it is. White people in an area that

appeared to be relatively affluent. So, yeah,

I would think that the. police interaction here

if they were to show up would be less hostile

than it might be with other people in other circumstances

but of course had this segment been released

in 2026 post the renee good murder then i think

we would have had a different lens through which

to view this and it would be more understandable

why they were so reticent to call the cops for

backup because renee good's murder showed us

that If law enforcement personnel can kill a

white woman, they can kill anybody. And they

have and do and continue to kill anybody. But

we don't need to dive too deeply into that right

now. So moving on to special effects, I gave

that a rating of a 4 as well. The dog surgical

alterations were all practically done, so that

looked pretty cool. Whenever Gary was ripping

out throats, there was blood spraying and they

were just going in. Gary and I think Abraham

was the other name of the attack dog. So all

the animal activist folks were just getting decimated

and it was a lot of stuff splattering around.

And then whenever Gary attacked the porch pirate,

he had all that meat just hanging from his mouth

and shit. And yeah, practical effects, really

well done. Situational fear, I went with the

rating of a five because holy shit, you were

being held captive and having your body surgically

mutilated to force you to live in existence as

a gross imitation of a dog. Enough said. And

finally, for likelihood of death, I went with

a rating of three. And honestly, I think I can

make an argument for this to be lower than that

because one. The people who were held captive

as the dogs were alive. And two, nobody had to

go to that house to begin with. At least for

the animal rights activist people. And three,

could have called for backup. Could have called

the authorities. Could have rolled deeper than

you did. And you didn't have to film it. Because

the old boy with the camera in his hand was not

much help when shit started popping off, bro.

so yeah most of this could have been avoided

and you know what the more i think about it like

okay there were two attack dogs right there were

like four or five people that showed up to come

rescue stewart and angela so respectfully if

the first person when you see them getting attacked

you have two choices here either you help them

and like fight off the dog Or you take that opportunity

to run away. So either way, they had the numbers

advantage. So there should have been or could

have been more people that survived than did.

But that could also be a lack of like situational

awareness or, you know, fear paralysis. So I'll

cut them some slack. We'll keep the three. So

that brings the overall score for fur babies.

I have to say that slowly because that's a tongue

twister. Up to a 4 .0. My number three ranked

segment in VHS Beyond is Dream Girl. Dream Girl

was directed by Virat Paul, who also co -wrote

it alongside Evan Dixon. Paul directed 2016's

Recapture, along with some various shorts in

between. And Dixon, you may recall, wrote the

frame narrative segment in VHS 85, Total Copy.

The story centers on two paparazzi named Arnab

and Sonu in Mumbai and they are trying to get

shots of the next big Bollywood starlet, Tara.

Their boss gives them a call and tells them to

head on over to Film City because they have a

guy there, an inside man, that will give them

access to Tara's trailer to allow them to snap

candids of her, which is weird as fuck. And in

case you don't know, because I didn't, Film City

is a 520 -acre studio complex in Mumbai that

was established in 1977 that serves as the heart

of Bollywood. It features dozens of studios,

outdoor shooting locations, and sets, all while

nestled in the forest of a national park, bruh.

That is a fucking flex. Y 'all are filming movies

surrounded by a national park. That is fire,

bro. Although there are various kinds of wildlife

that live in this national park, including leopards,

and there have been reports of people being mauled

by said leopards, but we don't need to dwell

on those blemishes. Anyway, once Arnab and Sonu

arrive at Film City, Sonu mentions that he's

heard rumors that Tara is into witchcraft and

black magic because her ascent to stardom has

been so meteoric she's acted in a ton of movies

this year. or that year that they're like hmm

she must have sold her soul in order to get the

success sonu also wonders aloud how tara deals

with the pressure of stardom and arnaub flips

his shit when he hears this because bro is a

total hater he thinks he should be the big star

and he hates his regular ass life he's gone to

various auditions and things just have not panned

out for him so Him constantly having to snap

photos of people who he aspires to be like has

left him in a bit of a funk. But before they

embark on their gross invasion of privacy, the

paparazzi duo gets access to go watch a take

of one of the scenes. And bro, that shit was

like a fire dance number. I haven't seen a Bollywood

film in probably like 15 years. And I was in

college. I hung out with a group of people in

my building. They were Indian. And so they put

me on to these Bollywood films. So we watched

them for like, you know, we were friends for

like a year or two. So after that, I just kind

of fell off. But anyway, watching this shit,

I was like, bro, OK, I need to maybe get back

into that because I thought it was dope. But

then things get a little bit awkward because.

There comes a point where all the backup dancers

like kind of stop dancing but Tara is still going

and everyone's a little bit confused. And so

Tara's manager gets mad and demands they cut

and go on break. So while all this awkwardness

is occurring Arnab and Sonu sneak over back to

the trailer. And Arnab enters it while Sonu stands

watch outside. Eventually, Sonu starts to pound

on the trailer to alert Arnab. And he hides in

the closet right before Tara and her manager

come inside. And the manager scolds Tara. He's

saying that she needs to focus solely on the

dance. She has too many other things on her mind

and she needs to forget about them. He tells

her that the only reason she has any value in

this industry is because she does more for less.

and stars are easily replaceable. But then he

tries to be all sweet and loving, starts stroking

her face and her hair and shit, because yay,

manipulation. Manager, he leaves, and once he

does, Tara breaks down sobbing, and as Arnab

is watching all this unfold from his closet hiding

space, he accidentally sticks his hand in some

sort of mystery goo. and bruh fuck that like

that is insane if i stuck my hand in some kind

of mystery goo i would lose my shit that is disgusting

bro even if it had like no odor or anything at

all and just felt like hand sanitizer i don't

care like i i'm gonna freak the fuck out arnob

though to his credit He manages to keep things

together until he uses his camera light to take

a look around to see like what he stuck his hand

in. And that's when he sees a bowl filled with

this clear goo. But there is Tara's face floating

in it. Bro is very understandably startled by

this and forgets that he's supposed to be hiding.

And he ends up stumbling out of the closet. So

the jig is up. And as he awkwardly looks at Tara

and she awkwardly looks back at him, the first

thing she does is ask if he wants a selfie. Very

strange behavior. Something does not appear to

be quite right with Tara. But Arnab goes to grab

the door handle as he's awkwardly trying to say,

you know, make up some excuse for why he's in

there. And he's about to leave. He's literally

about to leave, but he stops himself. He turns

around after noticing the goo on his hand, I

guess, and thinking about the face. And he asked

Tara if she's okay. Oh, my God, bro. This is

the one thing that I just can't stand. Like,

you are right there on the verge of getting out.

right there on the verge of survival or avoiding

whatever impending doom is heading your way and

he wasn't even really concerned about her let's

be honest he is just trying to take this opportunity

to form an alliance with a rising star or at

the top of the game currently to get his foot

in the door and hopefully break onto the scene

but yeah we'll see how that works out for him

buddy We already saw how the manager manipulated

Tara and now we get to see Arnab try his hand

at it as well. He tells her that she doesn't

even need her manager and she looks mad confused

before replying with quote, but he made me. Very

interesting choice of words there. But bro starts

trying to give some kind of hype slash pep talk

saying how great Tara is and how everyone wants

to be her. But she just tells him that she wants

to be normal and also that she likes his face.

Again, very interesting choice of words here.

At this point, the footage cuts to Sonu listening

in on the manager speaking on his phone outside

the trailer. And he's telling someone that, quote,

she's one nudge away from waking up. Okay, something

is about to pop off here. But here comes this

fucking guy Arnob with not a nudge, but a full

on dropkick. He tells Tara that she's a goddess

and she can do whatever she wants. And she's

like, wait, say that again. And he says, you're

a goddess. You can do whatever you want. She

then creepily smiles at him and says, thank you.

And proceeds to remove her face. She is a robot,

bro. And I don't know about you, but I am definitely

a believer in Skynet. I think the machine uprising

is inevitable and we are going to be fucked.

And Tara decides to get a jumpstart on things.

And she goes on a robot rampage. And her manager

is the first one to get it. Once she exits the

trailer, people are like, yo, what the fuck is

going on here? And the manager walks up like,

Tara, chill out. And since he's the one that

made her, I guess he's really just like a scientist

or whatever. A cybernetic engineer, whatever

the fucking terminology is. And Tara like barfs

boiling hot liquid, maybe water, I don't know,

into this dude's face. And his shit just melts

off real gooey like. Another dude runs up and

Tara just rips into his chest and pulls his heart

out. Pretty awkward. And then she proceeds to

just go into the studio and murk the entire cast

and crew of this film with a mixture of like

electricity and just like limb ripping. She rips

out another dude's heart. And this is the dude

that let the people into the trailer to begin

with. So R .I .P. inside man. Now your heart

is no longer inside your body. That sucks. Holy

shit. But then all this chaos ensues and eventually

the last two standing are Sonu and Arnav. They're

like kind of separated, but then they find each

other because it's like totally dark and they

have their lights on their cameras and whatnot.

Then Tari gets the drop on Sonu and he falls

down to the ground. He climbs on top of him.

And she kills him by forcing her thumbs through

his eyes. And it is absolutely brutal, bro. Like,

he's, like, screaming and shit. Like, I was like,

yo, this escalated hella quickly. And Arnab,

while he's trying to escape, ends up being cornered

by Tara on the main set. And as he, like, tries

to maneuver around her, this dude slips and falls.

And she walks up on him all menacingly before

kneeling down and ripping his arms off. And it's

absolutely brutal, bro. Because again, this dude

is yelling too. Like most times I feel like in

these segments in VHS, there hasn't been like

drawn out pain. I feel like the people usually

are like dying pretty quickly, but like having

to watch and listen to Arnob and Sonu like writhe

and scream. It was a lot. And Tara told Arnob

that she liked his face and she said that for

a reason. So she uses a nail to carve out his

face before peeling that shit. off and as she

does because he's on his back this man's eyeballs

like flop backwards like towards the top of his

head slash the ground and i was like what the

fuck dog like the attention to detail right there

was insane gravity on the eyeballs i mean it

makes sense but i i don't think i would have

thought to have that occur So shout out to that

special effects team, which I guess you can probably

infer where I'm going with my special effects

rating. Batara then proceeds to exit the studio

and there is a gang of new paparazzi out there

awaiting her, snapping all these photos. And

it takes them a while to register that she's

wearing somebody else's face. And once they do,

they're like, okay, maybe something's wrong here.

But she proceeds to just start massacring them

as well. And the segment ends. For its story

I gave Dream Girl a rating of a 4 .5. I already

said how I felt about that Bollywood dance number.

Shit was fire. But dog this whole thing was just

a lot of fun. Entertaining. Crazy. Unhinged.

I mean we've seen movies or plots with killer

robots before. But I personally have never seen.

an indian killer robot so that was an awesome

spin for me and i liked how things were laid

out in such a way where you could infer details

about the story without having too much exposition

such as batara's particular word choice saying

that her manager made her and that she likes

arnob's face these things give us a clue to the

backstory of the manager that he's a scientist

and that It also foreshadows what's going to

happen to Arnav, so that's pretty cool. Anytime

I have a gripe with one of these segments not

giving enough detail, it's because, to me, the

crumbs weren't there for me to fill in the blanks

myself. I don't necessarily want it to be handed

to me on a silver platter, but in this instance,

I thought there was enough there that I was able

to have a reasonable understanding of backstory

as well as what I'm currently watching. so respect

for special effects i'm sure you figured it out

by now i obviously have no choice but to give

a five even before we get to film city whenever

arnab and sonu are first introduced they're on

another job trying to snap photos and video of

a different actress and at one point Arnaub falls

on the ground and his arm gets impaled by a shard

of glass and he pulls the glass out from his

forearm. So that's done practically. Really sets

the tone for what is going to be coming later.

And then, of course, the manager's face being

melted off all gooey. sonu having his eyes gouged

out like his shit was like leaking down his cheeks

all the arm ripping and blood and arterial spray

plus the creature design of tara herself she

had like glowing eyes and blood all over her

face and you know hair looked crazy and as she's

wearing arnav's face at the end it's just this

uh uncomfortable strange gruesome mix of like

technology plus a dead man's face uh so yeah

all that shit looked crazy and then again gotta

give props to the gravity eyeballs when arnav's

face got peeled off just that attention to detail

excellent for situational fear i also went with

the rating of five i mean you're being pursued

by a killer robot um yeah and i think she kind

of like locked them into the studio at first

so the initial wave of like the cast and crew

being taken out they were kind of fucked so yeah

that has to be terrifying and then whenever sonu

has his eyeballs being gouged out i mean that

took a little bit of time for him to die so i

know that fear factor was stupid high and then

Our boy Arnob, Mr. Hey, you don't need that manager.

You're a goddess, girl. This dude getting his

arms ripped off and just having to lie there

while his face is then carved and peeled off.

I mean, holy shit. Holy shit. That is insane.

So yeah, easy five for situational fear. And

finally, for likelihood of death, I went with

the rating of a two. first of all fucking arnob

you were on your way out of the door and you

stopped to try to pursue your own selfish goals

so one dude literally caused the deaths of dozens

at least so fuck that guy you suck but also for

everybody else once things did pop off i mean

just like the sheer numbers of everyone involved

i mean i guess the cast and crew notwithstanding

because they got locked in the studio but once

tari came out with the rest of the paparazzi

and they were getting like mowed down the people

at the back or furthest away from her i think

had an opportunity to run away and escape so

yeah but arnob definitely is the lvp in this

scenario like bro Honestly, like what exactly

is the best case scenario here? Hey, you're a

goddess, girl. You can do whatever you want.

Like what? What did he think that she was going

to say? How did he think she was going to react?

Like, oh, my God, thank you so much. And just

like suck his dick and then be like, and by the

way, I can introduce you to my manager and you

can be my co -star in my next film. Like what

scenarios are running through his head? Where

he's not a random person that broke into her

trailer, trespassed in her personal space and

on her property. And he can just like walk away

and like be thanked for that. Like, what the

hell, bro? At best, at best, she should have

called security and had him hauled off. But at

worst, obviously, he got his arms and face ripped

off. So, yeah, I mean, I don't think he deserved

all that now. I mean, that shit was brutal. That

was brutal, but still, like, bro, what the fuck

are you doing here? Go home, alright? You fucked

it up for everybody. But anyway, that brings

the overall score for Dream Girl to a 4 .13.

Coming in in the number two spot for the best

segments in VHS Beyond is Stork. Stork was directed

by Jordan Downey, who also co -wrote it alongside

Kevin Stewart, and the two are frequent collaborators,

including on Downey's 2008 debut feature, Thanksgiving,

which I have not seen yet. I really need to add

this to my list or move it up higher on my list.

One of these days. But Stork centers on a group

of police officers who belong to a special unit

called Warden. And their members are Broom, the

Captain, Albert, Bennett, Ivy, Segura, and E

.T. Segura is the rookie, and he's riding around

with Broom, and they go to meet up with the rest

of the squad at a warehouse. They are planning

an operation. And during the debrief, they explain

that there have been 17 kidnappings in the last

three months, all of whom were infants, and a

witness followed the latest kidnapper back to

a house. and Warden plans to raid it. And as

they prepare for this mission, the amount of

guns they have suggests that they don't plan

to take anyone alive. They are locked and loaded.

It's also revealed that one of the unit members,

E .T., is the father of one of the 17 missing

babies, so there's some personal stakes involved

as well. warden pulls up on the house where the

eyewitness said the kidnapper retreated back

to and it is extremely dilapidated not only that

there's someone outside like ambling around while

carrying a chainsaw very ominous and once warden

enters the house they are immediately attacked

by a horde of zombies and these are the fast

kind of zombies the ones that be sprinting at

folks bro down. Segura ends up getting separated

from the group by the chainsaw man and he runs

into the attic. Once he's there he sees some

sort of shrine with like a bird -like humanoid

figure made out of bundles of sticks and shit

as the centerpiece. Segura eventually rendezvous

with the rest of the squad and after all the

zombies have been put down they investigate the

corpses and they notice that all of them have

the same wound that's been bandaged up on their

forehead. At this point they begin to hear strange

sounds and other sounds of movement coming from

upstairs and then a child crying. E .T. immediately

takes off thinking that it's his kid. Not exactly

the smartest tactical decision to make. Perhaps

they should have left him back at home. He's

a little too close to the situation. But as the

rest of the team continues to advance throughout

the house and clear floors, they end up entering

a room where there's a meteor that's crashed

down through the roof. And they comment that

it looks like it's been cracked open and that

something appears to have crawled out of it.

Fuck. that but at this point as my cat bats my

microphone chill out bro uh at this point another

zombie enters the room and they subdue it by

blasting its kneecaps with a shotgun yikes they

restrain it and then remove the bandage from

its forehead and reveal a big ass hold right

in the middle And Segura sticks the camera in

there to get a closer look, and it reveals that

there's no brains in this skull. This zombie

is literally mindless. Warden is fairly certain

that whatever being is behind all this activity

is at the very top floor, but the stairs to reach

it have been barricaded, so they go back downstairs

to retrieve the chainsaw. And at this point,

the zombies that they previously put down rise

up again. And after re -killing all these zombies,

the squad heads back upstairs and clears the

blockade. And at this point, they encounter another

zombie. Bro, there are so many zombies in this

house. Zombie city. And the fact that nobody

got taken out is miraculous. But they encounter

a zombie who's holding one of the kidnapped babies.

And they hear something or someone singing eerie

nursery rhymes. I'm not gonna lie, if I heard

someone singing nursery rhymes in the dilapidated,

dank -ass house with tons of zombie corpses and

body parts littered around, and it's pitch black

outside, I would probably shit my pants, personally.

But, you know, Warden, to their credit, they're

like, fuck it, it's time for this final confrontation.

And the captain's trying to get them all hyped

up. And he's like, yo, whatever's up there, let's

make it pay. And one of the officers drops an

all -time bar. She's like, there's no reward

for going home with extra ammo. Bro, that is

fire. And here's where things get wild. So as

Warden enters the very top floor, that's a top

bedroom or an attic, whatever it is, there are

a bunch of cribs set up. As well as like tree

branches that have been arranged in like a nest

kind of formation. They get closer to one of

the cribs and they see there's an infant in there.

And this infant looks pretty fucked up. It has

pale skin, like stringy white hair. And a bloody

mouth that's like in the process of mutating

into like a beak. And then they hear this wheezing

coming from the shadows. Just this... over and

over and over again and as they approach closer

they see et getting his brain sucked out by an

et some giant wingless bird alien thing bro what

the fuck and this is why you don't run off by

yourself bro like this motherfucker was having

his brain just sipped on like a mai tai absolutely

insane but then this bird alien regurgitates

the brains to feed the baby in the crib next

to it what the fuck absolute madness and warden's

like all right man we've seen enough light this

motherfucker up and they just unload on this

thing like this thing takes more shots than denzel

in training day bro and while the stork is getting

lit up E .T. rises as a zombie and attacks Segura,

so while Segura tries to fend him off, the stork

capitalizes on that distraction and wounds Segura,

but it's non -life -threatening. Eventually,

it falls down from its injuries, seemingly dead,

until a baby begins to coo, and the stork begins

to move around like it's going to rise up again,

and then one of the officers says, nah, we're

not about to have that happen. And comes and

stomps on the thing's head and just demolishes

it, bro. Warden then takes a picture with the

Stork's corpse and the segment ends. So for its

story, I gave Stork a rating of a 5. I thought

it was crazy. This is one of the more action

-packed segments in the VHS franchise, in my

opinion. And I like my action. And I like the

twist they put on the zombie genre. You know,

we've seen zombies done countless numbers of

times, but to have a giant alien bird be the

impetus behind the zombie outbreak, I thought

was a cool spin. And since they were all police

officers, they were all wearing body cams. So

we got multiple vantage points as they were fending

off these zombies. Had they been just regular

people or some other, you know, non -law enforcement

personnel, then I don't think we would have gotten

that same kind of visual aspect. And I like what

that added to the story. It made things more

dynamic for me. For special effects, I gave it

a rating of 5. This is arguably the best practical

effects thus far in the VHS franchise. All the

zombie makeup looked great. You know, practical,

blood, guts, all that stuff. The scene when they

looked inside the zombie's head was CGI, but

still was a cool shot of this brainless skull.

And then taking the chainsaw to these reanimated

corpses. There were intestines hitting the floor,

blood splattering all over the camera, just wild

shit. That mutated baby was just like nightmare

fuel, and that was all practically done. The

stoic design, practically done. It looked like

Big Bird, if he was strung out, had this crazy...

heroin addiction and just went off the rails

you know the the price of fame and being a child

star like it was wild bro and then finally whenever

they stomped on the stork's head at the end and

it's that shit popped like a gusher bro like

safe haven and the subject those were probably

my top special effects so far but This one here,

it may be like a 1A, 1B, 1C type of situation.

And I'm not entirely sure how I would order those.

For situational fear, I gave Stork a rating of

a 4. I mean, having a chainsaw wielding zombie

sprint at you is definitely terrifying. But,

you know, these people, I think to take this

job, your fear center has to operate a little

bit differently than Gen Pop. Like when Segura

got slashed or stabbed by the stork, he wasn't

really concerned about his wound. He was just

more so excited about like, whoa, so this is

what y 'all do, huh? Y 'all go around hunting

monsters. Like he was looking forward to the

next raid. So I think there's an element of excitement

here that dampens the fear factor a little bit.

And finally, for likelihood of death, I went

with the rating of a three. This is a highly

trained unit that has been on raids before. And

they only lost one person on this one because

he was too close to the situation. He ran off

when he shouldn't have, should have stayed in

formation. So they could have gotten out with

a flawless victory. These cats were strapped

up. They knew what the fuck they were doing.

They went in with intent to kill. They weren't

trying to be like, wait, maybe there's a chance

we can rehabilitate the historic or some shit.

You know, they just they had a mission. They

executed the mission and they got the fuck out

of there. So yeah, likelihood of death, I think

was, it would have been lower had they not brought

along someone whose child had been kidnapped.

So people without personal stakes involved, I

think their likelihood of death was probably

a one or a two. And then obviously ET ratcheted

things up to a four or five. So yeah, we'll land

at that three in the middle. And that brings

the overall score for Storic to a 4 .25. And

last but not least, the number one ranked segment

in VHS Beyond is Live and Let Dive. This segment

was directed by Justin Martinez, who also co

-wrote it alongside Benjamin A. Turner. Martinez

is a founding member of the Radio Silence Film

Collective slash production company. whose other

works we discussed earlier in the season in the

first episode, Suck You, Bussy, as a couple of

their members directed the segment titled 10

-31 -98 in the first VHS film. Live and Let Dive

centers on a guy named Zach who is going on a

skydiving trip with a group of his friends for

his 30th birthday. His wife Jess and his bestie

Logan are the two that have kind of organized

everything. And Logan's like the pro jumper.

So he's the one that's strapped to Zack for this

tandem jump. And Zack has a camera attached to

his head, which serves as the primary POV for

the bulk of the segment. But before the group

can jump, they spot a UFO up in the sky with

them. And they think it's kind of cool until

military jets come booming in. And then it's

like, all right, maybe we should get the fuck

out of here. Things really stop being cool when

an alien jumps onto the plane and causes it to

veer into the path of the main ship. And the

plane gets demolished and everyone gets thrown

out and they begin to free fall. So as Zack hurdles

to Earth, he looks around and sees someone else

falling. Half their leg is missing and there's

like a stream of blood trailing behind him. There's

debris falling from the plane. and zach can't

figure out how to open his parachute he's asking

logan to help him but logan is not responsive

but luckily zach's chute auto deploys but unfortunately

it gets tangled up and by the time it untangles

there isn't enough time to slow down to a float

and he ends up crash landing in like an orange

grove But I guess because he's the birthday boy,

he escapes with relatively minor injuries. There's

like some blood dripping down to the ground from

his head, but he seems relatively okay outside

of that. And he gets free from all of his straps

and whatnot and discovers that Logan has been

decapitated. His head flew off once the chute

auto -deployed and it's still stuck in the chute.

Really grisly stuff. Zack manages to link up

with a few of the other survivors from the crash

and one dude has like a big ass metal rod sticking

out of his chest don't think he's gonna make

it he also has deep gashes in his face and his

arm is a little bit mangled so while people try

to apply some emergency first aid and like put

a tourniquet on his arm but I guess they put

it on a little bit too tightly because his arm

snapped and began spurting blood all over the

place Pretty awkward. And then one of the aliens

shows up in the grove and starts going ham. It

tackles one of the survivors to the ground and

its forehead like splits open and shoots some

kind of beam at him that stunts him and I think

kind of partially fries his face as well. And

then these metal spikes slid out of its forearms

that it stabs into this dude. and generates all

this electricity and fries him up completely

at that point gotta be honest this is sounding

like one of the worst birthday parties ever but

as his boy gets fried up zach takes an orange

and throws it at the alien bro what exactly what

exactly is that supposed to do is vitamin c their

fatal flaw i guess it's worth trying anything

But Zach ends up running away and he finds Jess,

his wife, kneeling on the ground. And he's like,

oh, my God, Jess, finally, I've been looking

all over for you. And he thinks she's alive until

he notices that her face is like falling off

of her skull. So that's tough. She got laser

beamed to the face by these aliens. And at this

point, Zach's like crumbling. You know, he's

not really seeing a reason to go on. But then

a glimmer of hope arrives in the form of a truck.

He hears it nearby on a road. And so he runs

over towards the sound and he waves down the

truck and just hops in the passenger seat. And

the driver understandably is like, hey, yo, guy,

what the fuck? Who are you? What are you doing?

And he pulls a gun on him. And Zach is like,

yo, wait, wait, wait. Listen to me. There's like

aliens around here, bro. Like we got to drive

away right now. But the driver is like, excuse

me, random guy. You have to the count of three

to get out before I open fire. But before he

can get to three, an alien runs up and tackles

him, which causes the gun to fire off accidentally

and blow off Zach's hand, like shoots half of

it off. And now Zach's like, what the fuck? Now

I got a fucked up hand. My driver is done. There's

aliens here. What's next? Well, what's next is

that another alien crawls in through the open

driver's side door and beams Zach to the face.

But he stuns him. Doesn't seem to burn his face.

And once Zach comes to. The alien is gone. And

so he slides over into this driver's seat and

attempts to drive off. And he makes it, you know,

a few feet before suddenly the truck stops and

its wheels just start spinning in the dirt. It's

been caught in the mothership's tractor beam.

So now we get to see Zack in this car get beamed

up to the ship. And it's crazy like seeing this

from the POV perspective. It was wild, bro. And

after a handful of chaotic moments, the truck

eventually lands inside of the ship where door

slides open and Zack is greeted by an unknown

number of aliens, presumably either killing him

or giving him a one -way ticket to Anal Probe

City. Pretty awkward. And the footage ends. For

its story, I gave Live and Let Dive a rating

of a 5. Like I said, it was really cool to see

the tractor beam scene. I thought that was a

very original take on an alien abduction. Having

that first person vantage point and just the

chaos that was going on inside that car. I mean,

Zack was being thrown around all over the place.

Bunch of loud sounds, rumbling, vibration. You

get a glimpse. in between the beam where you

can see like the clouds and the ground below

just to put into perspective just how high up

zach is like that was wild and just the unique

plot point to be up in the sky when aliens pull

up like you're not looking up at them from the

ground and able to retreat into you know your

house or drive away or whatever it may be like

you're right there in the shit And to have the

ship fly through your plane like bro. To be then

free falling as debris around you falls. Aliens

around you fall. Like you see an alien attacking

another person from your party in the sky. Like

wild shit. And to have that then continue on

the ground as well, it's like there's just no

rest for the audience. As a viewer, you're essentially

just being pounded by action and activity for

the entire runtime. Like at the start of the

segment, they're doing like video tributes to

Zack or whatever, you know, just commemorating

the moment. And that lasts maybe like three,

four minutes before the UFO pulls up. A lot of

the runtime of Live and Let Dive is like you're

really being thrown into this action of this

invasion, and I really enjoyed that. For special

effects, I went with a rating of a 4. CGI use

was very heavy, but this is another one of those

segments where I have to give some allowance

for the fact that I don't think you can practically

have an alien invasion during a skydiving trip

without having an insanely high budget. Yeah,

you know, with the dude free -falling with half

his leg missing and the blood trailing behind

him, I thought that was a nice attention to detail.

With Logan's head caught up in the chute after

he got decapitated, that looked like it was set

up practically, so I enjoyed that aspect. Dude

with the rod in his chest and the fractured arm

was also practically done with the blood spurting

plus the gouges on his face. and before the guy

who got spiked and electrocuted there was another

dude who took a laser beam to the face and his

face like fell off the bone afterwards so that

looked pretty wild and gnarly and then zach's

hand meat hanging on by a thread after the bullet

blew it up that looked crazy too For situational

fear, I went with the rating of a five and I

will be completely honest. Some of this is rooted

in bias because personally, I am terrified of

heights, bro. So the idea of being up in a plane

about to skydive alone is terrifying, yet alone

throwing aliens into the mix and having my plane

exploded by an alien ship while I'm forced to

free fall. is definitely shit your pants worthy

and once you're on the ground and all these aliens

are running around beaming people in the face

and stabbing them with spikes and shit like that's

insane and the tractor beam having to be beamed

right back up into space after falling down going

back up probably at just as fast if not a faster

rate i don't know how alien tech works bro hell

no He wasn't even wearing a seatbelt. Dude was

just flopping around like crazy. Fuck all of

that, dog. I would not make it. And finally,

for likelihood of death, I went with the rating

of a 5. Because, first of all, just being able

to survive the plane crash, that was a miracle

in and of itself. Then, being able to survive

the fall to the ground with... You know, the

shoot deploying late and aliens in the sky going

after people while they were falling to the odds

of surviving that are pretty low. Then once you're

on the ground being chased by a gang of aliens,

beaming folks, spiking folks and getting beamed

back up like there was really no chance for anybody

to make it out of here in one piece. So that

brings Live and Let Dive to an overall score

of a very strong 4 .75. And I know that's definitely

going to shake up our leaderboard. But to recap

the ratings for every segment in VHS Beyond,

starting at number 6, we have Abduction slash

Adduction with a 2 .5. Then we had Stowaway with

a 3 .13. Followed by Fur Babies at number 4 with

a 4 .0. At number three was Dream Girl with a

4 .13. Number two, Stork with a 4 .25. And of

course, at number one, Live and Let Die with

that 4 .75. So what does our top five now look

like? Well, Stork has booted out two segments

from VHS that have been in the top five all season

long. Amateur Night and The Sick Thing That Happened

To Emily When She Was Younger are now... gone

so coming in at number five we have stork from

vhs beyond with that score of 4 .25 the sick

thing that happened to emily when she was younger

also scored a 4 .25 and both segments received

a 5 rating on its story but stork gets the tiebreaker

on special effects with its 5 compared to emily's

4 sliding down one spot to number four is no

wake slash ambrosia from vhs 85 with the score

of 4 .63 crashing the party at number three is

live and let die from vhs beyond with that score

of 4 .75 and it tied our number two segment still

safe haven from vhs 2 also with that 4 .75 Both

of these segments received a 5 for their story,

but Safe Haven takes the tiebreaker on special

effects with its 5 compared to Dive's 4. And

still holding down the number 1 spot, the subject

from VHS 94 with its score of 4 .88. At this

point, I think it's probably going to finish

there. VHS Beyond had... the strongest chance

to produce a segment to knock it out because

that was my favorite film from top to bottom

in the franchise. But we won't crown it just

yet. We still have one film to go. That's all

for me. I'm out of here. I'll see you back here

in two weeks for VHS Halloween, and it will be

the season three finale. But in the meantime,

remember, always keep it spooky.

Analprobia (VHS Beyond)

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