Gorgons Gone Wild (VHS 99)

Cold open

You know what's interesting about this whole

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Bro, that shit would fly off the shelf. I'm Brandon

O. This is Terrorific, and we're chopping up

2022's VHS 99. Welcome back to the place where

Welcome and intro

it's perpetually spooky season. Happy New Year.

I hope your 2026 is off to a tremendous start

so far. Mine's going okay. You know, just trying

to recover from December's spending spree. We

have birthdays for two of our kids, plus Christmas

of course, having to buy gifts for a family of

six, plus extended family. So right now our credit

card bill just looks stupid. And on top of all

that, now that it's January, that means our annual

HOA fee's also due. So just a lot of large purchases

and expenditures happening at once or in a short

span of time. But I did figure out a little bit

of a hack for the HOA fees. So first of all,

this is my little financial literacy class, I

guess. So first of all, I don't or we don't use.

Debit cards or cash. So my wife and I, we share

an account, joint account. Right. And we only

use our credit card and our credit card has one

point five percent cash back on all purchases.

Right. So it's just it's free money for things

that we would be buying regardless. And so our

credit card statement, the billing period runs

from the 20th through the 19th. No, it closes

on the 20th. So it runs from the 21st to the

20th. the following month so right now our credit

card statement that we're paying for was purchases

from November 21st through December 20th and

that payment is due on January 17th so with this

HOA fee coming up I don't want to have to pay

for that in February so what I'm gonna do is

delay making that payment for as long as I can

so I read the fine print And the HOA payment

is not considered late until 30 days later, which

is going to be the last day of the month. And

so if our credit card statement closes on the

20th and that bill is due on February 17th, so

that period is going to be December 21st through

January 20th. If I pay for the HOA fee. on January

21st or later, sometime between the 21st or the

30th, then that's going to fall outside of that

billing period and be included in January 21st

through February 20th, which will then make my

payment for that due on March 17th. So I will

buy something in January and not have to pay

for it for nearly two months later if I time

it right. And when I first devised this strategy,

I tried to talk to my wife about it and explain

it to her. And she was just like, I do not care.

We are we are very, very different people in

a lot of avenues in life, especially when it

comes to like finances. Like, I mean, I'm I'm

an accountant. auditor financial analyst all

those things and so numbers and money is what

i do and look at constantly for her she's just

like you know if i have money in my account cool

i know not to spend xyz amount cool but i don't

need to know about moving shit around and timing

differences and staggering blah blah blah she's

very very big picture in that regard and me like

I'm in the shit, you know, and nuance is my middle

name when it comes to like finances. And so We

we have our our areas of responsibility. So clearly

I am the money manager and she manages most of

other things in our lives. So it works out, you

know, balance. But it was just it was funny to

me that she's just like shut that shit down immediately.

Like I like I could see like her eyes like start

to like gloss over as I was as I was as I was

speaking like like, OK, you don't really care

about this, do you? She's like, no, no, I don't

like respect. Respect. Okay, thank you for coming

to my TED Talk, but now let's get to why you're

Leaderboard recap and segment overview

really here. So, we have gone through half of

the films in the VHS franchise in our quest to

crown the best segment of them all, grading each

one based on four independent criteria, beginning

with the story quality, then it's the special

effects quality, followed by situational fear,

and finally, the likelihood of death. All these

grades are then averaged together to create one

overall score, and that determines our ranking.

So to this point, we've chopped up 20 segments

in VHS. So our bottom three currently at number

18, we have Tape 56 from the first VHS with a

score of 2 .38. At number 19, we have Slumber

Party Alien Abduction from VHS 2 with a score

of 2 .13. And bringing up the rear, we have at

number 20, Vicious Circles from VHS Viral with

a score of 2 .0. And the cream of the crop, our

top five. At number five, we have Terror from

VHS 94 with a score of 4 .0. At number four,

we have Amateur Night from VHS with a score of

4 .1. At number three, we have The Sick Thing

That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger,

also from VHS, with a score of 4 .25. At number

two, we have Safe Haven from VHS2, with a score

of 4 .75. And our current top dog, number one,

The Subject from VHS94, with a score of a damn

near perfect, a sparkling, a sterling 4 .88.

‘Shredding’ breakdown

VHS 99 brings us five new segments to break down.

So kicking us off at number five, we have Shredding.

Now, Shredding was written and directed by Maggie

Levin, whose filmography also includes the award

-winning 2020 short titled Heel. And also in

2020, My Valentine from Blumhouse's Into the

Dark TV movie series. Now, I really enjoy that

series. If you haven't seen it yet, you should

definitely check it out. It's on Hulu, which

I have canceled. Awkward. But basically, each

story takes place on or is related to a holiday

or day of significance or importance. So, for

example, you of course have the big ones like

Halloween, Christmas, Thanksgiving. But then

you also have stories related to like International

Women's Day, First Day of School, April Fool's

Day, St. Patrick's Day, stuff like that. Pretty

entertaining. There's like, you know, 20 of them

or whatever it is, and they're all like an hour

and a half -ish long. They're movie length, but

they are technically TV episodes. But yeah, definitely

recommend checking that out if you haven't seen

it already. But Shredding centers on a group

of friends who are also a punk rock band named

R .A .C., which is an acronym for their names

Rachel, Ankur, Chris, and Caleb. Rack plans to

break into a shuttered music video, which is

a music video music venue, which has been closed

for three years because of an electrical fire

that claimed the lives of four people. And the

four people who died were the band that were

on stage performing that night. Bitch Cat, which

is a fire name for a band, by the way. I wish

I was musically inclined or like rock inclined

specifically. Because rock band names are always

the best. You can just be so creative with that

shit. That's going to be my question for the

week. If you had a rock band, what would your

rock band be called? Or maybe you do have a rock

band. What is it called? If I had one, I would

name mine... Let me think about that for a second.

I probably should have thought about this before

now. But that's the spontaneity that you get

with Terrific. Okay, so let me think. I would

go something, like, super random. Probably, like,

shit. Titanium stop sign? Like, that sounds hard

as fuck, you know? Just something that makes

no sense at all. Or, like, semi -gloss paint?

Something dumb. But, yeah, when this electrical

fire broke out, the fans were trying to escape,

and they ended up trampling Bitch Cat to death.

Awkward. But as Rack prepares to make their journey

over to the colony underground, Ankur is hesitant

because he believes in the Hindu concept of Buddhas,

which are spirits with unfinished business who

possess people who come and disturb them. They

are looking for something to move on to the afterlife.

And if you get in their way, they will take over

your body and fuck shit up. So before they go

to the colony underground, Ankur, being the sensible

one in the group, stops by his house first to

grab some anti -buta spices, some warding spices.

And the other three people, they just troll him

the entire time. They're, like, faking that,

like, ghost shit is happening. They even, like,

pretend to get possessed when they start performing

on the stage after breaking into the colony underground.

And they're just not taking the threat of these

butas seriously at all. And Ankur eventually

gets fed up and is like, you know what? Fuck

y 'all. Fuck this. I hope the Buddha get all

of you. And they're like, OK, Ankur, whatever

you want to be a bitch, be a bitch. Bye bye.

And he goes off somewhere by himself and the

other three continue their hijinks. So they bring

three inflatable sex dolls with them. And they

fill it up with, like, red jello. And they start

stomping on them to, like, simulate the band

being trampled to death. Which, even under the

best of circumstances, is a dick move. But when

there's the possibility of some butas around,

probably shouldn't press your luck like that.

But, hey, you live and you learn. Or you learn

and then die. Which seems to happen here. pretty

quickly afterwards. Better grab your umbrella

because the forecast is calling for showers because

the ghost or the butas yank Caleb up into the

air not long after they've been stomping on these

jello -filled sex dolls. And we don't see what

happens to him. All we hear and then subsequently

see is an explosion and his body parts and blood

rain down on the ground. And at this point, uh

chris and what's her name rachel there we go

chris and rachel see this shit and they're like

uh wow maybe we should get out of here and they

try to run away but they get caught and ripped

apart and ankur apparently didn't actually try

to leave the venue he was just like pouting in

a corner somewhere and so he gets run up on but

thankfully he has his handy dandy anti -buddha

spices And he throws them in one of their faces

and it sizzles them for a second. But then they

just like, OK, your powers aren't going to work

here, buddy. And he dies to R .I .P. Rack. They

all get dismembered, but they are then reassembled

by the bitch cat Buddhas who then possess their

reassembled, reanimated corpses and start performing

on stage. They start to shred. End of segment.

So let's go to the ratings. For the story, I

gave this a 2. I don't think I was the target

audience. I'm not really a punk rocker. People

who do identify with that kind of life and aesthetic,

they would probably find more, you know, fulfilling

stuff in here. But yeah, it just really wasn't

for me. And from like a horror perspective, horror

standpoint, I wanted to see a little bit more,

you know, more fear, I guess. It was just the

music seemed to be the main focus, which I can

appreciate. Oh, my gosh. My cats are knocking

something over. Wow. That sounded dangerous.

Let me let me pause this recording in return.

I need to see what they're doing. Hold on. OK,

they just knocked over like a toy dump truck

and it collided with like a plastic chair that

was nearby. So anyway, I'm not typically a proponent

of like flashbacks because that can seem kind

of like a cheap narrative tool if not done properly.

But I think in this instance, a flashback could

have been beneficial, like showing us that fire,

showing us bitch cat be trampled, I think would

have added a level of like. like a dynamic element

to the story a little bit more um special effects

i gave it a four special effects were pretty

solid so the makeup and the effects for the butas

the bitch cat band themselves once they resurrected

and came back it looked pretty gnarly you know

just nasty skulls and you know still flesh hanging

off and stuff and there was one person who lost

their foot and their boot was melted to the floor.

I thought that was a pretty creative touch and

added some realism to the whole thing. And whenever,

oh boy, Caleb got beamed up into the sky and

then shredded up there and rained down all of

his viscera, that was pretty well done as well.

um and every time that one of the kids got like

torn apart there's like arms flying and shit

off the camera or off from the side of the screen

and fucking thighs and shit so they definitely

invested some time and some effort into the special

effects and i can appreciate that especially

when it's practical effects i would like oh my

gosh this sinus shit bro it's been like fucking

two and a half weeks and it's still kicking my

ass um but i would liken like The visual of what

the band looked like, Bitch Cat looked like in

their Buddha version, they look kind of like

punk versions of the Crypt Keeper. And there

was a funny moment that happened. So once Rachel

got torn into pieces, two of the band members

were trying to reassemble her like a little puzzle.

And you could just see them like, huh, this doesn't

really fit. And just kind of working through

that. So I always appreciate a little bit of

dark comedy. Situational fear, I gave it a three.

They never really took the threat of the Buddha

seriously until they showed up. And even then,

you know, things spiraled so quickly that I don't

think they even really had the time to really

understand the gravity of the situation before

they were seeing their friend exploded and having

themselves torn apart. And they were trolling

my boy Ankur. You know what I mean? He tried

to warn them like, hey. There may be some bad

juju around here, but they were dismissive. And

to his credit, or I guess lack of credit. Like,

bro, if you feel the need to go back to your

house to obtain some anti -Buddha spices, then

you clearly think the threat is real enough.

Why are you even still going there? Like, dog,

I think he was trying to get at Rachel. you know

and there's plenty of fish in the sea my boy

like especially if you're in a band dog man he

could have been pulling mad hoes son but no he

wanted to go for one specific person and she

wasn't even vibing with him like that dog like

friendzone city friendzone city low -key friendzone

city would be another fire name for a band uh

okay finally likelihood of death i gave this

a 2 .5 um obviously the quickest or the most

sensible solution to all of this would have been

not to break into an abandoned music venue where

four people were trampled to death and had the

possibility of their ghosts still haunting the

premises so possible to the point that one of

the four people involved had to stop by their

house to get something to defend themselves with

There are plenty of other places where you could

make your music. Why do you feel the need to

go to this cursed location? So congratulations,

you played yourself. R .I .P. So that brings

our total Terrific score up to a 2 .88 for Shredding.

‘Suicide Bid’ breakdown

My number four segment, NVHS 99, which, by the

way, this is the first film in the franchise

to not have a frame narrative. So no one is watching

TV screens in these other segments being those

stories that that person is watching. Everything

is just out in the ether, I guess. But yeah,

so number four, we have Suicide Bid, which was

written and directed by Johannes Roberts, whose

filmography includes 47 Meters Down and its sequel,

The strangers pray at night. And the brand new

joint that just dropped, Primate. Its story centers

on lonely college freshman Lily who wants to

join a sorority. And it's the only sorority she's

applying for, which is known as a suicide bid.

Because if they say no, she won't be able to

join any other sorority. Fast forward a week

and Lily is absolutely wasted as this sorority

that she is rushing. takes her to a mausoleum

and graveyard and they tell her about the legend

of guillotine now guillotine was a desperate

and alone freshman who they say was just like

you lily which should have been an immediate

red flag if your sorority sisters are already

or not even your sorority sisters your prospective

sorority sisters are already referring to you

as desperate and alone They probably don't really

like you, bro. But anyway, the story goes that

20 years ago, there was a freshman who also wanted

to join a sorority. But in order to join, she

had to spend the night buried in a coffin. And

those girls left her there for an entire week.

And when they finally came to dig up the coffin,

it was empty. And legend has it that she dug

her way into the underworld. Now, when she comes

knocking, she's looking for someone living to

take back to the underworld to play with. So

now, in order for Lily to earn her membership

in the sorority, she must spend a night in a

coffin. A night buried alive. And the other girls

all lie to her and say they did it too. They've

also run a string from inside the coffin to a

bell on the outside so that if Lily rings it,

the girls will dig her up, but doing so will

cause her bid to be forfeit. So they give her

a camcorder to film everything and also a box

to open only when she's at her most frightened

and ready to quit. So Lily climbs into the coffin,

the other girls seal it, and they bury her. And

as she's in this very tight, confined space,

she starts to get a little bit scared. And that

is taken up another notch when the girls on the

surface start knocking on the coffin with their

shovels. And Lily thinks that it is guilting

coming to get her. And she freaks out and she's

like, all right, maybe I'll quit. But then she

gets one last moment of like bravery. And decides

to open the box instead so that she can feel

the comfort that was promised to her by her prospective

sorority sisters. But, spoiler alert, they are

assholes. If you couldn't tell already. And this

box is filled with, you guessed it, spiders.

So now, not only is Lily buried alive. She also

has all these fucking spiders crawling over her,

bro. What the fuck? That is madness. That is

fucked up. That is like there's dick moves and

then there's whatever this is. This is like an

astronomical level of assholery. Wow. College

kids are dickheads. But what about you? What

was your experience like? Did you did you rush?

Did you pledge a sorority or fraternity? what

was some of like the craziest things that happened

to you during your your bid process we don't

need to talk about hazing if that's going to

get you in trouble but i do want to know if there

was something that you could share that was just

like wow these guys are assholes but i still

want to join them for whatever reasons you may

have had i never rushed or pledged any any fraternity.

Uh, I am an extreme introvert, not extreme, maybe

extreme, maybe extreme introvert. People don't

believe me when I say that, uh, because I know

how to like, you know, talk to people. Um, but

there's a common misconception with introverts.

Introverts doesn't have to necessarily mean that

you're like shy or self suffer from like crippling

social anxiety or can't hold a conversation.

You know what I mean? I just get my energy. From

being by myself, that is how I recharge. Being

around people does not energize me. It drains

my energy. I enjoy it. I can enjoy it. Often

do. But when I need to recharge, I need to be

alone. So being in a fraternity never really

had any kind of appeal for me. But, you know,

to each their own. and with friends like these

though who the fuck needs enemies like dropping

spiders into this first of all how they even

get the spiders into this box like who's catching

spiders bro maybe they're like so committed to

like this whole hazing ritual that they actually

grow their own spiders in their sorority house

they have like a spider nursery That would be

fucking hilarious. Like they just have one dedicated

sister who was like a little bit weird, but she's

really good at like raising spiderlings. And

they just like have a spider farm to fucking

haze people with this legend of guillotine act.

But to no surprise, once the spiders come out

and start crawling on her face, Lily rings the

bell to be let out. But before the other sorority

girls can dig her up. Cops show up to the cemetery

and they start to panic. So they run away so

they don't get caught and expelled for a hazing.

And they say they'll come back later for Lily.

And as they depart, it begins to storm and muddy

water begins to fill up this hole and flood into

the coffin. So as Lily tries not to drown, she

begins to hear knocking. and sees guillotine's

face she has come to visit her and take her back

to the underworld so she has someone to play

with pretty fucking awkward and guillotine starts

off with some light knocking but then she drops

a people's elbow into this shit and just like

splinters the entire top and just has her dank

ass stank ass breath probably hot as hell just

breathing all in lily's face so goddamn lily

let's let's recap here first of all just in case

you forgot she is absolutely wasted so like what

is going through her mind right now like she

has to be just freaking the fuck out so i know

it smells crazy in this coffin like you have

that liquor breath she probably threw up on herself

at some point now you got all this mud and shit

you got spiders and she squished a couple of

them so you got like spider guts Then you got

guillotine with her 20 year dead flesh and stink

ass teeth and all that going on in this very

tight, confined space. I would have been throwing

up everywhere. I can only imagine how shitty

that smells. But staying true to their word,

the sorority girls did return. It only took them

nine hours, but they came back. and once they

get there they see that the hole is completely

flooded and yeah what can you do with that so

one of them dives in there and goes to investigate

and comes back and reports that the coffin is

empty and another one's like what no fucking

way bro and she also dives in there and comes

back and confirms that the coffin is indeed empty

And so these girls make a pact to never speak

of what happened. But then we get a time skip.

And later that night, they end up buried in their

own individual coffins with their own individual

camcorders. And they have no recollection of

how they got there. So now they are experiencing

what Guillotine and Lily experienced. And then

Annie, the sorority girl's ringleader. uh lily

shows up in her coffin and annie's like oh shit

look at you all ghosted up and lily lily explains

that she cut a deal with guillotine that she

would let her go in exchange for giving her as

many sisters as she could possibly want now i

got a question here because this is where the

segment ends but What kind of fucking deal is

this? Because Lily looked hella dead. She looked

pretty fucked up. So I'm not really understanding

how exactly she was let go. It just looks like

you got roped into being an accomplice. Like,

if you're gonna kill me, just kill me. Don't

kill me and then also put me to work with you

as well. Like, what the fuck kind of deal is

that? i don't i don't understand that but let's

go to the rating so for the story i gave suicide

bid a score of a three i don't think it was anything

like special or anything to write home about

you know we've seen people get bullied before

and bullied people seek vengeance etc etc uh

you know the ghost tag team aspect i guess was

somewhat unique um but it does raise some interesting

like questions for me or like thought exercises

like thinking about the extent that certain people

would go to in order to feel a sense of like

community or acceptance like there is no way

in hell i don't care how lonely i am there's

no way i'm going to agree to be buried alive

uh in a coffin you know in the middle of a storm

but it is interesting to think like you know

how how lonely must you feel how badly must you

want to belong somewhere that you feel like this

is a logical course of action to take that's

sad to think about so I hope there aren't many

people out there who feel that way or would go

to those lengths. This is a very extreme, you

know, fictitious situation, of course, but makes

you think. And I imagine that's probably the

point of the story. So if so, point received.

Special effects, I gave it a 2 .5. Practical

effects, I respect that, but... quality just

really wasn't there for me uh with guillotine

looked kind of cheesy a little bit and the makeup

with underworld lily also wasn't my favorite

so you know just an average score there for the

special effects situational fear this is an easy

one easy easy easy you are buried alive in a

storm in a coffin with spiders crawling all over

you while a ghost goblin zombie whatever the

fuck like nibbles and gnaws on your chin that

is definitely a five for situational fear holy

shit i mean yeah that fucking sucks and for likelihood

of death i gave this a score of a two uh because

don't crawl into a coffin i mean yeah i mean

lily chose this life which you know she may have

had her reasons but still a choice was made that

probably should not have been made on this campus

i imagine there could have been other sorority

options to choose from So going with the suicide

bit to begin with probably wasn't the wisest

decision. Of course, hindsight's 20 -20. Couldn't

have predicted that she'd be buried alive and

turn into a fucking goblin. But here we are.

Life comes at you fast. Regardless, though, yeah,

desperation never leads to good choices. So definitely

could have been avoided the fates that unfurled

in this story. Average all those ratings together

and that brings us to an overall score for suicide

bid of a 3 .13. I switched out the chair that

I normally record in, so I guess that has me

feeling more conversational than usual because

I'm like super hella comfortable right now. It's

like I took one of the chairs from our family

room that the cats always fucking play tag on

and crawl on. But I was like, you know what?

Let me stop using my computer chair that squeaks

all the time. So if I move even the slightest

amount like this sound comes in, even when I

try to like put on WD -40 on it, it just doesn't

last very long. And so if I sit in that chair

and I record, I have to sit perfectly still.

Otherwise, everything gets picked up on the mic.

Or I have a bar stool that I typically use that

usually works pretty well, but it has no. arm

rests. So if I'm recording for too long, then

I guess my posture probably isn't the best because

like my shoulders start hurting and like my back

starts hurting because I don't have anywhere

to rest my arms. So now that I have this lounge

chair, like, bro, I'm just like fucking chilling

and I'm like cozy as hell. So yeah, this episode

I think is trending to be a little bit longer

than usual because I'm just so comfortable right

now. And on that note, if you're still here listening,

don't forget to hit that subscribe or follow

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I would imagine it's whatever you're listening

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So like, share, comment, you know, leave a rating.

All those things help Terrific continue to grow.

The growth has been consistent, which is nice

to see. But yeah, I just want to tap in with

the community out there. You know, leave me some

comments. Let me know what you're thinking. You

know, what are your ratings for these segments?

What would you name your rock band? That's the

question of the week. All those things. Let me

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currently chronicling my journey through watching

The Sopranos for the first time. So yeah, tap

in with your boy. But all right, let's get back

to it. So our number three segment in VHS 99

‘The Gawkers’ breakdown

is The Gawkers. This was directed by Tyler McIntyre,

who also co -wrote it, along with Chris Lee Hill.

McIntyre's filmography includes 2017's Tragedy

Girls, 2020's Good Boy, which was another entry

in Blumhouse's Into the Dark TV series, as well

as 2023's It's a Wonderful Knife. mcintyre and

hill were both also writers on five nights at

freddy's the story of the gawkers centers on

14s dylan kurt mark and boner which uh i probably

would not choose that to be my name but you know

to each their own uh but these guys are filming

themselves pulling pranks and skateboarding and

shit And while they're shredding, Boner breaks

his arm and asks, is this normal? And as he says

that, his shit like flops to the side. So that

kind of tells you kind of the headspace that

Boner is going to be in for this segment. But

these little degenerates graduate from pulling

pranks to trying to film like upskirt videos

using a makeshift hidden camera. They cut a hole

into a bag or something and then put their VHS

camera in there and got spotted pretty much immediately

because it's not subtle whatsoever. But they

soon set their sights on their next target, Dylan's

hot neighbor across the street. They film her

as she floats in her pool, washes her car in

Daisy Dukes, and they're basically just creaming

their pants the entire time. And there's a funny

moment when she's out washing her car where a

delivery van pulls up and like blocks their view.

And they're mad, of course, because they can't

circle jerk anymore. But the van's company name

is Deliveries Unlimited International, a .k .a.

DUI. So I thought that was a little funny thing

to throw in there. But since they aren't able

to be peeping toms at that moment, that allows

them to observe other things in the neighbor's

yard. And they notice that she has these stone

busts just kind of out there. And then enters

Dylan's little brother, Brady. He is what the

group considers to be a dweeb. He likes to film

himself. making stop motion videos, playing with

toy soldiers and whatnot. So Dylan and his friends

don't really respect him. He hasn't earned boners

respect. Darn. But Brady decides to go out and

try to learn how to rollerblade around the cul

-de -sac. And while he's out there, the neighbor

across the street comes out and invites him inside

her house. And the other boys are extremely jealous

as they watch from the upstairs window. You know,

they thought that he looked like a loser skating

around with his little knee pads and elbow pads.

But here he is, you know, being led inside by

the arm by this hot neighbor. And when Brady

returns, he says that, oh, yeah, neighbor Sandra,

you know, she's cool. And I'm going to go back

over there to help her set up her her new webcam.

And this is when Dylan Boner and friends seize

their opportunity. And they're like, hey, Brady.

we'll let you hang out with us if you install

spyware on sandra's computer and since brady

appears to desire nothing more than wanting to

be accepted by his big bro and his friends not

so different from lily in the suicide bid segment

he reluctantly agrees to go along with the plan

so goes over there installs the webcam and while

sandra goes to get him a glass of water He also

installs a spyware. Once he returns, they test

the connection and they find out that it's been

successful. So they are watching Sandra via her

webcam. And as she gets ready to hop into the

shower, she strips and they watch her strip.

And this stripping includes her taking off her

wig. And they're like, whoa, what's going on

here? And then at that point, her head begins

to move and reveals that she has snakes for hair.

That is right. Sandra is a Gorgon. The Gorgons

are three sisters from Greek mythology, Steno,

Uriah Lee, and of course, the most well -known

one being Medusa. Medusa was mortal, though,

and she was beheaded and therefore killed by

Perseus. However, Steno and Uriah Lee are...

immortal so sandra's got to be one of those two

and since my movie watching history tells me

that people who take on new identities tend to

maintain the first letter of their real first

name with all of their new identities i'm going

to assume that sandra is steno But after Sandra

reveals her true nature, she then turns and stares

directly into the camera. So at this point, the

boys realize that she is aware that they are

watching her and they are like, oh, shit. Next

thing you know, they hear some glass breaking

and Sandra leaps from her window across the street

onto the roof of Dylan and Brady's house. And

they are like, fuck, this is not good, guys.

she then comes like she breaks in through the

fucking roof like some nightmarish version of

a greek santa claus and she starts tearing them

apart boner dies first i'm pretty sure which

of course but brady and dylan make it downstairs

and brady's like wait maybe i can reason with

her because you know he's such a good guy you

know he didn't it wasn't his idea to spy on her

he was just going along with it he just wanted

to hang out with his brother he doesn't normally

do things like this so he thinks that if he just

goes up to her and apologizes then everything

will be okay uh but jokes on you brady um he

gets turned to stone and and dylan's like oh

shit not you baby bro but he also gets turned

to stone as the camera is held in place by his

petrified hand we see sandra just completely

transform into gorgon mode and just give a mean

stare down getting her get back end of segment

so ratings wise for the story i gave this a 3

.5 i thought it was pretty entertaining and pretty

original so I was expecting whenever they had

Sandra on the spy cam that they would discover

that she was a serial killer or like abducting

people, whatever it may be. That tends to be

how things go in that situation. But the use

of a Gorgon as the reveal, I thought that was

a pretty unique choice as a creature in general.

So yeah, that didn't even cross my mind. Of course,

in hindsight, the stone busts were pretty significant.

breadcrumb but if you if your mind went to gorgon

on first viewing seeing those stone busts then

round of applause to you respect and in modern

times the gorgon has come to symbolize female

rage so that makes a lot of sense in this context

sandra having her privacy violated being objectified

by these teenage boys and like the delivery driver

etc etc i can understand how some rage would

factor into that equation For special effects,

I gave the Gawkers a 3. They weren't bad by any

means, but nothing to write home about in my

opinion. The Gorgon form was CGI. The boys turning

to stone was CGI. Getting torn apart, I think

that was also CGI. So had there been some practical

effects used in there, not necessarily all of

them, but just a little something. Like a little

bit of splatter, coin syrup style, I would have

given it a higher score. it is what it is situational

fear i gave this a four their initial reaction

their initial fear stemmed from the fear of being

caught not the fear of dying so i have to deem

them for that i also have to deem them for brady

just like approaching sandra thinking that he

could talk his way out of the situation like

you just saw people get torn apart bro like there's

like literally blood and body parts on your bedroom

floor And you're trying to have a conversation

right now like that is crazy. That is crazy.

So maybe he was afraid and just really brave.

But I don't think so. I think there was some

delusion there. The same delusion that thought

he wasn't as guilty of like being a perv as his

brother and his friends were. That same delusion

drove him to be like, you know what, let me go

approach this woman with snakes for hair who

has just torn apart at least three people. Madness.

And finally, for likelihood of death, I gave

this one a score of a 2 .5. Everything could

have just been avoided had they not been pervs.

You know, maybe that's asking too much of teen

boys. You know, they can't control themselves.

Boys will be boys. No, stop being so horny. Congratulations,

you played yourself. So averaging all those grades

together gives the Gawkers an overall score of

3 .25. Coming in at the number two spot for my

‘To Hell and Back’ breakdown

favorite segments in VHS 99 is To Hell and Back.

This one was written and directed by Vanessa

and Joseph Winter, who are best known for their

2022 hit horror comedy, Deadstream. The story

centers around a videographer duo named Nate

and Troy, and they have been hired to film a

coven performing a ritual to summon a demon at

midnight on New Year's Eve. And I don't know

what's the craziest aspect of the scenario. Is

it the fact that someone agreed to this job offer?

The fact that someone was so open and upfront

about exactly what the offer entailed? Or is

it the fact that they had a woman who willingly

volunteered to be the vessel for this summon

demon? Bro, what? But as the coven kicks off

the summoning ritual, an uninvited demon shows

up instead and drags Nate and Troy down into

hell. And it looks like a desert landscape with

like demons lurking around. So as to not draw

attention to themselves, they kill the light

on their camcorder. And at that point, Troy says

something licked my hand. Bruh. Hell. Nah. That.

I don't. I don't know like what my ranking of

irrational fears would be. But the idea of just

like being in darkness and feeling something

lick my body, I think would rank pretty highly

on that list. Well, let me rephrase that. So

the idea of something non -consensually and unexpectedly

licking my body in darkness would rank highly

on my list of irrational fears. You know, there

are certain scenarios where licking in the darkness

does not evoke fear, okay? It evokes other feelings.

But there's good news and bad news. They turn

the light back on and discover that Troy's hand

actually was not licked. That's the good news.

The bad news is he put his hand in like a pile

of intestines or dismembered body parts. So pretty

awkward. And at this point, they realize or accept

that they are, in fact, in hell. And Troy even

says, we're in hell. I shouldn't be here. I go

to church. Funny, funny little shot there at

that irrational logic that is employed by lots

of people. But these dudes are so unserious,

like, as they're navigating this hellish landscape,

they almost step into, like, multiple traps,

like bear traps and spike traps and shit. And

along the way, they encounter a hell resident

named Mabel the Skullbiter, which, that's a fire

name. Mabel and the Skullbiters would be, like,

a fire band name as well. I'm gonna keep going

with this, alright? There's a lot. fire band

names in this movie maybe that was intentional

okay i'm just like connecting these dots in in

real time um but mabel helps guide them to the

demon's lair so they can ride his coattails as

he's summoned to earth at midnight but she makes

this offer in exchange for them writing her name

in the book of witches which they agree to because

why not nothing to lose right And as they approach

this demon's lair, they have to crawl through

a spider -webbed, maggot -filled doo -doo tunnel

to get inside. Because they're coming in through

the back way, you know, up the poop chute. And

once they're inside, you know, once they slide

their way in, you know, it takes patience. They

find a cult of demons preparing... preparing

the uh the big demon for his ascension and they

get attacked but they manage to kill them and

they jump inside like the belly of this demon

i guess and that transports them back to earth

and nate ends up inside the vessel which is quickly

noticed by the coven so they stab and kill nate

they also mortally wound troy since everything

got all fucked up But as Troy is dying, he takes

some blood that's pouring out of his body, dips

his fingers in it, and uses it to write Mabel's

name in the Book of Witches before succumbing

to his injuries. End of segment. So for story,

I gave To Hell and Back a 4. It was good. It

was funny. You could tell that these were the

people that made Deadstream. Like, that style

of humor was pretty similar. I think where this

kind of diverges from Deadstream a little bit,

though, is that Deadstream, like horror wise

or like fear inducing wise, I thought was a scarier

movie. Like it had more moments that even though

it was like trying to be funny, it had like some

legitimate jump scares in there and whatnot.

Here with To Hell and Back, I think it was more

so focusing on the jokes and the horror aspect

was very much so like a backdrop. But still.

I enjoyed it. For special effects, I gave this

one a 5. It was mostly practical effects. There

was like a brief CGI moment where like lightning

flashes when they're in hell. And there's like

a silhouette of a big demon. That was the one

thing that I felt like the quality wasn't the

best. But even despite that, everything else

was so well done that I still had to give it

a 5. The design of the demons, there was like

one with wings, one was like faceless, another

one was like mutated looking. There was like

a little baby demon version, bloody piles of

mutilated bodies and body parts. And whenever

Nate and Troy are fighting the cult of demons

to escape hell, there's like blood spraying all

over the place. Like really well done practical

effects in my opinion. five out of five situational

fear i gave this a three you know you would think

that being in hell would be an automatic five

and if we had different lead characters that

might have been the case but nate and troy and

even mabel the skull biter to an extent they

were just so unserious that a three i think a

three is fair and finally likelihood of death

i gave a grade of four I mean, Nate and Troy

had to go through a lot. Journeying through hell,

having to crawl through spiderweb maggots and

dookie, having to fight off a cult of demon worshippers,

having to navigate other demons just hanging

out, doing shit, traps all over the place. But

they survived all that, only to be felled by

the coven once they returned earthside. But all

of that could have been avoided. Had they not

answered the ad that said help wanted for filming

a demonic summoning. So that's kind of on you

there, guys. But that brings to Helen back up

to an overall score of 4 .0. Pretty respectable.

And it's probably the funniest segment in the

franchise so far. So yay. And last but not least,

‘Ozzy's Dungeon’ breakdown

coming in at the number one spot for my favorite

segment in VHS 99, we have Ozzy's Dungeon. This

segment was directed by Flying Lotus, who also

co -wrote it along with Zoe Cooper. Flying Lotus's

filmography also includes 2025 sci -fi horror

flick Ash. Which is one of the movies that I

watched back in October for my 31 in 31 horror

movie marathon. And I liked it. It was a beautiful

film. The color palette was crazy. And it was

just trippy. It kind of felt like a fever dream.

Which I guess coincided with the fugue state

that the main character found herself in. So,

makes sense. But the story of Ozzy's Dungeon

centers on a kids game show. Where teams compete

in silly challenges. Kind of similar to those

Nick shows in the late 90s. And the winner gets

to go into Ozzy's dungeon and have their wish

granted. Now, these challenges include things

like balloon popping, where the contestants cover

themselves in balloons and try to pop them by

ramming into each other, as well as a disgusting

meat toss challenge where one person has, I think

they were blindfolded while their partner tries

to toss meat into their mouth. Some kind of meat,

a mystery meat. I'm gonna be honest, I would.

not participate in this challenge if i had to

be the meat catcher uh that is not something

that sounds very appealing to me i guess if you

really want to do it i would toss the meat to

you but i think blindly catching some sort of

mystery item in my mouth would also rank pretty

highly on my list of irrational fears but anyway

the host of this show is also very clearly racist

so that's fun The final two contestants are Donna,

who is a black girl from Detroit, and Timmy,

who is a white boy from L .A. And as the host

introduces these two finalists, he high -fives

Timmy, but leaves Donna hanging. And he also

makes some kind of snide comment about her not

being able to afford flying to this studio taping.

Her and her family drove from Detroit. Yeah,

those microaggressions. Always fun. But whoever

manages to complete the obstacle course within

the time allotted will be declared the winner,

and they'll be able to journey down to the dungeon,

meet Ozzy, and have their wish granted. But here's

the catch. They have to retrieve a flag, and

fighting over it is allowed. And so since Donna

is waxing Timmy's ass in this competition...

He decides the only way to get ahead is to grab

onto her leg, press his weight down on it, which

causes it to severely break. Hmm. I think there's

a message there. But it turns out that this game

show occurrence has been previously recorded

and it's being played back on a VHS tape. So

as we zoom back out to get the full picture,

we see that the host is being held captive in

a cage in a room. And there's a recreated set

of Ozzy's dungeon in there. And Donna's mom is

the mastermind. She is pissed about the whole

leg thing. She says Donna was supposed to be

the one to make it out and become a star. And

we see Donna. She's gone like goth and she's

wheelchair bound and her leg is a hella. fucked

up it looks gross uh let's just call it what

it is i mean her mom calls it what it is she

donna has like a blanket over her lap she pulls

pulls the blanket to the side and the host is

like oh he like grimaces when he sees her leg

and donna's mom is like tell me what that looks

like he's like i don't know what you want me

to say and she yells at him it looks like dog

meat and i fucking lost it bro I lost it. And

Donna's mom employs one of the foundations of

parenting. Bribery. She enlists her son's help

in torturing this man in exchange for a Sega

Dreamcast, which sounds to me like a pretty sweet

fucking deal. So he goes to fetch his mom a jug

of acid. And it's important to note that the

son's name is Brandon. So Brandon, I understand.

Okay. I understand. So Donna's family ties the

host to a pole and starts recreating the challenges

from her show episode. And first up is the balloon

pop game, but they don't have any balloons. So

Brandon, I think, just puts on like a spiked

helmet or some shit and just rams old dude in

the chest and stabs him. So yeah. All right.

Next up is the meat toss, which is like some

congealed ass shit. that makes old boy puke on

himself so yeah like i said mystery me tossing

is a big no for me especially if it's like rotten

apparently and congealed so that sucks and then

finally he has a final challenge that includes

you know they've recreated this uh this obstacle

course and it includes crawling through literal

shit so i know I know it smells crazy in there.

So I just got to ask, like, bro, what is everybody

else doing? Like, OK, you're torturing him, but

you're also torturing yourselves, too. Like Donna,

her mom, her dad and her brother are just sitting

in this like shit warehouse. Just like what?

And y 'all are like watching the film, like the

tape of Donna's competition first. Right. So.

y 'all couldn't like watch that outside of the

shithouse and then like you know like then journeyed

back inside why do you have to just like sit

there in this shit factory i i don't understand

that and also like the tunnel or whatever was

like pretty pretty lengthy like i imagine it

took like a significant amount of shit to fully

populate the length of like this track or whatever

so who shit is it what kind of shit is it is

it human shit is it animal shit is it donna's

family like collecting their shit over this course

of like two weeks and just like really letting

it fester for this dude like what level of depravity

are we reaching here Or do they just like take

the the efficient route and just like go buy

a bunch of manure and just spray some water on

it real quick to make it all mushy? I don't know.

I have a lot of questions here. But if you if

it's really that personal for you, if you really

can go to the extent to kidnap a man, buy a jug

of acid to threaten him with, stab him with a

football helmet or whatever the fuck and have

him crawl through some shit. I mean, I would

think at that point you're trying to like fully

commit. I'm just gonna say they were collecting

their shit for like three weeks straight and

then just really, really went balls to the wall.

But the host fails to complete the challenge

within 60 seconds and right when Donna's mom

is about to inject him with a syringe full of

acid, he cuts the deal to take them into Ozzy's

dungeon to get their wishes granted. So they

head back to the studio where the show was filmed

and they head down into the dungeon, which leads

into a cave. And in that cave, they find a woman

laying on like this bed like altar and she is

surrounded by worshipers. And this woman is swollen,

you know, engorged actually may be a more accurate

word. She looks like she's pregnant with something

extremely large and unnatural. And the host wheels

Donna up to the altar. and donna whispers her

wish to this woman and at that point she begins

to moan and groan and thunder starts crashing

and her engorged belly splits open and some tentacled

creature emerges it looks like a fucked up version

of like family guys wacky waving inflatable arm

flailing two men with a single glowing eye to

top it all off and this thing which apparently

is ozzy begins to shoot out some sort of energy

blast that melts the faces off the host and Donna's

family, with the segment ending as Donna looks

into the camera, smiling menacingly. Story -wise,

I gave Ozzy's Dungeon a grade of a 4 .5. I really

liked how it was set up, how it was structured.

Going from like this silly kind of game show

environment almost had like an element of like

whimsy to it to this torturous shit tunnel acid

injection kind of scenario really had like a

nice juxtaposition there that made it seem like

I was watching two different segments. You know,

I really enjoy having my expectations subverted

when I'm watching something. Any kind of misdirection

or, you know, swerving off into some unknown

territory or that always is entertaining for

me. And I also feel like the social commentary

on this segment was like louder than others than

maybe like terror. I mean, terror, terror was

pretty loud. You know, white supremacy is bad

message received. But this one is like commentary.

What I what I interpreted was like the commentary

on like. the burden of parental expectations

and how it can prevent kids from truly having

like a childhood when a parent or both parents

are vicariously trying to live through them like

hey dad yeah maybe you had dreams of going to

the pros and being the next you know barry bonds

minus the steroids but well maybe if you like

steroids who am i to judge but uh you know doesn't

mean that little johnny wants to do that shit

too you know what i mean so chill the fuck out

and so Like with this one, like really, when

you think about it, how bad of a parent do you

have to be? Or like how bad of a parent does

your child have to perceive you to be for them

to have a choice between like healing themselves,

being able to walk again and have like a functioning

life again or killing you? And they choose to

kill you like they choose to take out their their

caretakers like Donna literally can't even walk

by herself. And she still chooses to take out

her parents instead. The forgiveness was impossible.

She really points to them as being the factor

that destroyed her life. Them and the game show

host. So I thought that was pretty powerful stuff.

For special effects, I gave this a 4. Whenever

Donna got her leg broken, there were some decent

practical effects used. There was blood, bone,

etc. compared to some of the other practical

effects in other segments within vhs this one

didn't look quite as good as those did so had

to put it a little bit lower and donna's leg

looked absolutely insane so i mean her mom said

it best looks like dog meat and even that might

be a little bit generous um ozzy's creature design

looked pretty pretty cool too um very unique

and outer worldly looking and then the face melting

aspect also well done with practical effects

there as well so overall very strong but there

just were other examples in vhs like safe haven

um the subject etc that i thought had stronger

special effects so just for relativity purposes

we'll go with that for situational fear comes

in with a strong 4 .5 i mean the host being abducted

and subjected to torture and having to crawl

through ungodly bodily excrement that's pretty

scary everyone else once you're confronted with

like this giant tentacle thing emerging from

some woman's engorged belly that seems pretty

frightening as well And then as your face is

melted off, that has to be quite terrifying.

But throughout all this, Donna was just chilling.

So she brings the overall fear level down a notch

slightly. So 4 .5. And finally, for likelihood

of death, I gave this a grade of 3 .5. Donna

herself. I mean, she harbored this hate for her

family that no one knew about, but she couldn't

have known that she would have an opportunity

to use her wish. So before that, the likelihood

of death for her family was close to nil. But

obviously that ratcheted up once she was able

to get in front of Ozzy and make her wish. The

host was probably going to be cooked from the

beginning. He had no way of surviving this. But

everyone else, initially, I think their odds

were a little bit lower. We'll kind of weight

the average a little bit between Donna not knowing

that she'd be able to kill her family and the

reality of her family being killed and go with

that 3 .5. So that brings the overall score for

Ozzy's Dungeon to a 4 .13. So to recap all the

Ratings recap, leaderboard update, and outro

ratings of the segments in VHS 99, at number

5 we had Shredding with a score of 2 .88. Number

4, Suicide Bid with a score of 3 .13. Number

3, The Gawkers with a score of 3 .25. Number

2, To Hell and Back with a score of 4 .0. And

number 1, Ozzy's Dungeon with that score of 4

.13. And that has shaken up our top 5. Terra

has been bumped out of its number 5 spot by Ozzy's

Dungeon, which actually isn't a tie with Amateur

Night for the number 4 overall, but due to the

tiebreaker on the special effects score because

they both had a 4 .5 on story. Amateur Night

gets the edge with its 4 .5 in special effects

versus Ozzy's Dungeon's 4. So at number 5 is

Ozzy's Dungeon from VHS 99 with a score of 4

.13. At number 4 is Amateur Night from VHS also

with a score of 4 .13. At number 3 is The Sick

Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger

from VHS with a score of 4 .25. At number 2 is

Safe Haven from VHS 2 with a score of 4 .75.

And at number 1 is The Subject from VHS 94. with

a score of 4 .88. Our bottom three remain unchanged.

So at number 23 now, since we added five more

segments, we have Tape 56 from VHS with a score

of 2 .38. At number 24, Slumber Party Alien Abduction

from VHS2 with a score of 2 .13. And bringing

up the rear, at number 25, Yikes! Vicious Circle

from VHS Viral with a score of 2 .0. That's all

for me. My family is home now, so you can hear

them in the background. The toilet is flushing

behind me. I'll see you in two weeks for VHS

85. So in the meantime, remember, always keep

it spooky.